Even when writing about relationships, I still inadvertently reveal the expertise of a full-time mom. Today’s topic was inspired by the grievances and complaints of some women.

I often see people on various women’s forums complaining or even crying about how their men seem ungrateful. They sacrifice their own well-being to allow their partners to focus on their careers, tirelessly taking care of all household chores. The children have grown up, yet the fathers have never fed them, changed diapers, or stayed up at night. Now, they are exhausted and suffering from illness, while the men thrive in their careers, with both money and energy to spare for themselves.

I understand and sympathize with their grievances, but I also see the side of their unfortunate but unassertive approach. After all, the destruction of a relationship is rarely the fault of just one party. We cannot control whether men become bad, but we can adjust ourselves to minimize potential harm.

Firstly, if you choose to give, do it willingly without expecting anything in return.

When you took on all the household chores, no one forced you to do it. It was a selfless dedication driven by love, a noble virtue. Therefore, do not regret it.

If one day you regret your past dedication and start calculating gains and losses, then your dedication is no longer selfless.

Do not measure the worth of your sacrifice based on the returns, because you did not intend to make a trade.

Forcing your achievements in front of the other person, hoping for gratitude or even guilt, turns the rightful appreciation into something frightening.

The other person may intellectually know they should be grateful, but emotionally, they cannot help but feel repulsed. And what we want is their love. Killing them morally will only make them run faster and farther.

Expecting something in return for your sacrifice is not entirely wrong, but understand that it is not mandatory. After all, when you made the sacrifice, you didn’t sign a contract.

How can you avoid regret in the future? It’s not difficult:

Your sacrifice for love is your own business. Only do it willingly without compromising or expecting anything in return. Even if you are wrong, you won’t regret it.

You might argue, “But if I don’t do the housework, no one will!” That’s just your assumption. If you were seriously ill and couldn’t get out of bed, don’t underestimate others. Can he watch his own flesh and blood starve? Even if you are truly incapable, he will find a way to seek help.

There are always solutions to problems. The reason “no one will do it if you don’t” is because he expects you to compromise.

When a small child that needs 24-hour care enters the picture, he can’t continue living as if it’s just the two of you. The responsibility of being a father is not just about earning money.

Don’t think that cooking and doing laundry every day will hold someone’s heart. Good men and women are not created by indulgence, but by appreciation, affirmation, and praise at a spiritual level.

Of course, if you are exceptionally capable, managing both inside and outside the home and still have the energy to take care of yourself without sacrificing your interests and life goals, then there’s no need to nitpick about how a couple should live their lives as long as you feel comfortable.

What I don’t approve of is suffering silently while feeling resentful for not getting anything in return, despite being exhausted. I admire the willingness to sacrifice. Regardless of whether he deserves it in the future, don’t regret it. That’s true dedication and virtue.

Secondly, the more you give, the deeper you fall.

Love is similar to raising a child. Men never experience the pain of pregnancy and childbirth. If they’ve never had to feed or change diapers at night, how can they understand the hardship of taking care of a child? How can they understand the preciousness of a little life?

I recently read a case about a man not understanding his wife’s postpartum depression. He couldn’t fathom why his wife, who stayed at home all day, taking care of the child, could be under so much pressure. One day, his wife asked him to spend a day with her, doing everything she did. Before 24 hours had passed, he would rather go to work. He realized how it felt to have less than two hours of sleep, constantly attending to a crying child. He experienced it for just one day, while his wife had faced it for months or even years, let alone the hormonal changes before and after childbirth.

Everyone understands that we should be grateful for others’ sacrifices, but how can we truly understand someone else’s difficulties without experiencing them ourselves?

I have a very industrious friend who, for over ten years of marriage, has prepared three meals a day in various styles. Although she also works, she always prioritizes her husband’s career. She never troubles her husband with taking leave for the children’s illnesses or parent-teacher meetings. Yet, she often complains that her husband takes everything she does for granted and lacks gratitude.

They say the way a couple interacts is established from the beginning and is difficult to change. This is not about being lazy but an experience of getting along well with another person.

The more one invests in a family, the more they cherish it; the more one does for a child, the more they love them; the more one sacrifices for a partner, the more they cherish the relationship.

To make the other person love you and the family more, encourage them to make efforts for you and the family. Here, “efforts” do not just refer to material things but also time and energy. For many people, it’s easy to spend money, but time and energy are the scarcest and most valuable resources.

When making decisions, there is a sunk cost effect. The degree of cherishing something or someone is related to the cost we have invested in it. The more we have sacrificed, the harder it is to let go.

Because of love, we give. Because we give, we love more.

Lastly, truly loving oneself means not fearing ungratefulness from others.

We cannot predict the future, nor can we control whether our partners will be ungrateful. But we can take control of ourselves from now on and minimize potential harm.

How can we minimize harm? Should we start building a small savings fund right away? No, what truly harms us is the collapse of our spiritual world.

At all times, we must not lose our bottom line and must maintain an independent and enriched spiritual world. Don’t forget to pay attention to yourself and ensure that you are always on the path of self-improvement.

No matter how much you love someone, never forget yourself. Imagine, if you neglect yourself, can you still expect others to value, cherish, and love you?

But we don’t need to give up everything. Love when it’s time to love, invest when it’s time to invest, and sacrifice when it’s time to sacrifice. As long as you follow your innermost desires and don’t lose yourself, it’s okay to cut your losses if love sours one day. Don’t continue consuming each other out of regret for the sunk cost, losing more precious opportunities.

While economics is important, I believe that, apart from protecting one’s rightful assets, it’s more important not to lose the ability to be financially independent.

Without anyone, we can still live well. Because we are an independent tree, both internally and externally, we don’t need to depend on or cling to anyone.