“I broke up with my boyfriend, but I gave him my first time, so I really want to win him back, what should I do?”

Pingping had been in a relationship with her ex-boyfriend for 2 years, in a long-distance relationship, and their feelings had always been good, so naturally, things progressed to intimacy. Pingping is a very traditional person and believes that if she becomes intimate with someone, then she must marry that person.

The fantasy was beautiful, but reality is often cruel.

In the months leading up to the breakup, they were constantly arguing, and their feelings for each other grew increasingly cold. Her ex felt that they had nothing in common, so he decided to break up.

Pingping thought that since she had given her first time to her ex, she had to win him back.

So, she kept calling him incessantly, but he couldn’t stand her pestering and blocked all contact with her.

Pingping still couldn’t let go, so she approached her ex’s mother, hoping she could help them get back together.

But her ex angrily called Pingping, asking her to stop bothering his family.

I asked her why she was so persistent.

She said that since she gave him her first time, other people would definitely look down on her.

Listening to her dilemma, I thought that many girls probably have similar thoughts!

If you do too, then you must read the following content carefully.

1 Losing Your First Time Doesn’t Mean You’re Impure

This is not ancient times, there’s no need to view this issue with such a traditional mindset. Society is progressing.

I know many cases where a girl’s first time was taken by a scumbag, and later in marriage, she found out that he was unreliable or a mama’s boy, and now she’s extremely unhappy.

Nowadays, many couples become intimate once they start dating.

For boys, there’s no loss, but society discriminates against girls, thinking that if you lose your first time, then you’re incomplete and impure.

Not only do boys view girls this way, but girls also view themselves this way.

There are even some boys who aren’t virgins themselves but expect girls to be, which is blatant discrimination.

I want to say, you are actually great, and this greatness isn’t defined by others, but by yourself.

Your first time, whether voluntary or not, is a part of your youth.

If this boy has abandoned you, it means he’s not right for you. Don’t try to win back someone who doesn’t love you.

Even if you gave him your first time, it’s not important. Don’t belittle yourself or beg for his pity, because that’s not love you’ll receive.

Even if you get back together, I believe you won’t be happy because you’re not in love.

Also, you don’t need to worry about a future partner looking down on you for not being a virgin.

When you find a new boyfriend, just openly tell him your real situation. If he can’t accept it, then you’re not meant to be together, but it doesn’t mean you’re inferior.

Trust me, someone who loves you will love all of you, as long as you don’t belittle yourself, others won’t either. The other person might feel sad hearing about this, and that’s normal, but as long as you’re honest and open with them, you can better understand each other and confirm their love for you.

So, whether you are pure is not determined by whether you’re a virgin but by whether you’re kind-hearted.

2 Marriage Isn’t as Simple as You Imagine

Marriage is the natural result of two people in love, it’s a public declaration of their love through a marriage certificate.

Only they know that the marriage certificate is for the world, but their feelings are their own, and this is the essence of marriage.

So, marriage isn’t an agreement reached based on a certain condition.

For some, marriage is because they’ve reached a certain age;

For others, it’s because they get along well;

For some, it’s a way to change their destiny;

For some, it’s a responsibility…

Why do you want to get married?

Just because you gave your first time, you have to marry him?

Who set this rule for you?

You say it’s your principle, and you want to be responsible for yourself.

Okay!

I can’t say anything, every choice is the path you choose, but I still want to tell you, choosing a marriage partner is not that simple, and marriage isn’t that simple.

Actually, marriage is the natural result of love, but it’s not without unexpected conditions.

You need to understand that whether it’s love or marriage, it’s the result of equal power dynamics.

Improving yourself is the key, not trying to win back the other person.

So, just because you gave your first time to someone doesn’t mean you have to marry them. What if they turn out to be unreliable? What if they stop loving you, what then?

3 Only Love is Your Reason to Win Him Back

If you are sure that “the first time” is not the reason you want to win him back, but it’s because you love him, he loves you, and you have conflicts, so you want to win him back, then what should you do?

You can’t do anything.

To him, everything you say is wrong.

The answer is harsh—because to him, everything you do will be wrong.

Yes, whether it’s sending a text, asking to meet, using emotional strategies like giving a scrapbook, sending birthday wishes, asking to get back together, asking for forgiveness, crying and begging for one last chance, all of these will be wrong.

So, if you really still have hope and want to reconcile, then you should focus your energy on things that can truly change yourself.

You might ask, have all the promises he made been forgotten?

For example, he still has some clothes at your place, should you call him to take them, leave them there, or just throw them away?

Or, to spare you pain, he promised not to date for a year, but within half a year, he already has a girlfriend. How should you confront him about this?

All these questions have solutions, but before I tell you the solutions, you need to understand one thing—once two people break up, all the promises and agreements from before the breakup, or certain arrangements, all of it becomes irrelevant.

In a way, when two people break up, they no longer have a relationship.

Those promises and agreements only hold when the two people still have a relationship. If they no longer have a relationship, you can’t expect the other person to do these things.

So, what you need now is to live your life as an individual and improve yourself. As for his things and promises, you can throw them away and forget about them.

My dear, if you still love him and want him back, then don’t disturb him, focus on yourself, change for the better, and then attract him to come back to you on his own.

You might worry about not having any means of contact, what should you do? He can’t see my changes, what’s the use?

What I want to say is, change is for yourself, not for the other person. Even if he can’t see it now, it doesn’t mean he won’t see it in the future.

It’s easy to reconnect.

The most important thing is, once reconnected, have you changed and can you attract him?

My dear, you shouldn’t marry someone just because you gave them your first time!

If you do want to marry, then marry someone you love and who loves you!

Because someone who loves you won’t bear to see you cry!