I don’t know if you have had this experience. When we first started falling in love, we felt that our three views were completely consistent, and it was a match made in heaven. But as they get along for a long time, they will find that there are more and more conflicts between the two.

Gradually, you begin to show what you can’t accept about the other person. But he feels that you have changed and you don’t love him as much as before, which is why you are so dissatisfied with him.

You are wronged, but you still love him as before. It’s just that in each unpleasant experience, you make it clear what you can’t stand and tell the other person. But the other party couldn’t understand: “You were not like this before.”

Linda and her boyfriend broke up after dating for half a year. The reason is a bit embarrassing, but it is a real problem that many people encounter.

My boyfriend was in his late twenties and was in the prime of life. After dating, he asked Linda for a room several times. Linda, on the other hand, has more conservative views and cannot accept premarital sex.

At the beginning, she did not directly express her attitude. Instead, she talked him around and adopted delaying tactics, telling him that the time was not mature enough and that she would talk about it later.

Later, the two went on a trip together and camped in a tent at night. Her boyfriend wanted to make a move, but Linda reacted extremely fiercely and rejected him. After an awkward night, Linda ignored him on the return trip the next day. As a result, her boyfriend thought that she would never forgive him anymore, so he consciously stopped showing up to avoid annoying her.

Linda was ashamed to talk about this matter and didn’t know how to tell him that she liked him very much, but she just couldn’t accept premarital sex. This relationship ended abruptly.

“Premarital sex is unacceptable” is Linda’s bottom line. She did not reveal her bottom line at the beginning, but hid her thoughts for the sake of harmony between the two, which led to subsequent twists and turns.

Sabrina’s boyfriend has a good rapport with the opposite sex. When she first fell in love with him, Sabrina deliberately acted generous and told her boyfriend, “Your rapport with women means you are attractive.” But in fact, she couldn’t accept that her boyfriend had a confidante.

Sabrina’s bottom line is that “boyfriends can’t have close friends of the opposite sex,” but she feels that being so frank would make her look stingy. Therefore, whenever she saw her boyfriend sending voice messages to friends of the opposite sex, she would try not to get angry. Then she would find other excuses to vent her dissatisfaction, or she would not reply to his WeChat messages or answer his phone calls.

My boyfriend is often confused and confused, wondering why she suddenly gets angry.

The thing Pearl can’t stand the most is not having a public relationship.

When she first starts dating, she will feel that if you love someone, you must respect his thoughts. He is a low-key person, so there is no need to force him to show affection all the time.

However, she soon discovered that her boyfriend’s recognition of her existence was her bottom line. For her, if there is no way to reach consensus on this point, it will have to break up sooner or later.

She watched with her own eyes that her best friend, from dating to living together, had always been a girl happily posting on WeChat Moments, but the man never made it public, and the female friends around him always thought he was a single male god. The ending is that my best friend slept with her for more than a year, and finally got cheated on and ended up breaking up.

Because she had witnessed this incident, open love became Pearl’s most basic requirement for a relationship.

Everyone has their own bottom line. Open relationships are not important to everyone. But this was a big deal for Pearl.

If the person you love has such a request, please respect her thoughts.

Maybe you haven’t had an open relationship, and you’ve really never had an affair with another woman, but your girlfriend’s appeal has not been taken seriously. It is like a landmine, buried in your future life, exploding from time to time, igniting a fire. Series of contradictions.

I was discussing cooperation with a friend before, and as soon as she came up, she threw a lot of thunder at me, and all the rules were set. She told me that this is her way of doing things. She tells the other party where her minefields are first and defines the boundaries, so that these minefields will not be stepped on one by one in the future.

Put the bottom line out first, and the other party will not easily cross the threshold. What’s even more frightening is that if you don’t tell him where your bottom line is, he will step on the thunder and not know what happened.

I saw a survey result before: couples who talk about their own bottom line and each other’s bottom line have a 30% breakup probability. In contrast, couples who never talk about bottom line issues have a breakup probability of up to 70%.

The more specific the bottom line you give, the better. You might as well be honest about whether you can accept him keeping in touch with his ex-girlfriend.

If you endure it silently because you love him at first, then he will think that everything should be like this.

If you hold back the turbulent undercurrent and pretend to be calm, he will think that it is really calm. When one day you can’t bear it any longer and finally get angry, he will think that you have changed.

It’s not that the longer you love each other, the more conflicts you have. But in the beginning, in order to pretend to be perfect, you forced yourself to make unnecessary patience, concessions and compromises. The other party has no way of knowing all this, and is even accustomed to it.

Rather than letting the bottom line slowly emerge, it is better to make it clear from the beginning. You help the opponent sweep out the mine, so he won’t step on it easily.