Whether a marriage is happy or not depends not on finding the right person, but on having this ability

A happy marriage is like traveling around the world, but an unhappy marriage is full of ghosts!

In the morning, the partners were chatting about love, marriage and happiness.

Before you choose to get married, have you thought about what kind of life you want to live?

Everyone says that they want to live a happy life.

However, in real life, when everyone pursues happiness, things often backfire.

Some people search and search, but end up in misery and misery; some people go through a thousand sailings, but become a ruined flower in the eyes of others.

Some people have passed their thirties and have yet to have a true relationship; some people’s relationships never last long and have been unable to get married; some people get married, divorced, and then remarried and divorced several times. , but still can’t find a happy way out.

I have a distant cousin who is a college classmate with her boyfriend. She is recognized by the school as the golden child. The cousin is very beautiful and has a good personality. The boyfriend is also a very decent character and looks like a top student in the school. Both of them have good grades. We took the exam together. After going to graduate school, the two of them got their certificates after graduation, but they were only married for 3 months. Under normal circumstances, they should still be in a happy and sweet relationship, but their relationship has become incompatible. They often quarrel and fall over each other over trivial matters. thing.

Then there will be a cold war, and not long after, they will start to quarrel, throw things, and have a cold war again and again, endlessly, and finally divorce.

Divorced and then married, married and divorced, married and divorced again. There have been 5 marriages so far.

In those years, my cousin said that on the road to marriage, she always encountered “unkind people” time and time again. Even her catchphrase became “There are no good men in the world.”

In fact, there are many such phenomena in life. We were happy when we first got together, but after getting along for a while, many problems gradually emerged. As the saying goes, “It’s easy to fall in love, but hard to get along with.” Falling in love with someone is not difficult, but what is difficult is how Spend time with people you love.

As the song goes: “It’s not that easy to fall in love, everyone has his or her own temperament… Happiness is not that easy, that’s why it’s so fascinating…”

Why is this so?

The reason is that women have no ability to love. Because of the lack of the ability to love, countless people’s emotional journeys have been extremely bumpy, and their journey to happiness has been extremely difficult. They have walked into painful dead ends again and again, wandering on the edge of happiness. You know, if a person lacks the ability to love, no matter how many lovers he changes, he will not be happy.

Many people, like my cousin, are unhappy in their marriages because they are blind and looking for the “wrong person.” Then they break up or divorce, change people, feel unhappy, and blame themselves for being blind and looking for the “wrong person”, then break up or divorce, change people, and the cycle repeats. Some people don’t want to change someone, so they try every means to change him, trying to make him their ideal lover. However, the more they try to change him, the more conflicts there will be and the more painful it will be.

There is a saying, “If you really love someone, don’t try to change him.” and I believe it.

In fact, true happiness has never been about “finding the right person”, but about having the ability to love and “becoming the right person”. Only in this way will love be sweet, peach blossoms will bloom, and happiness will come naturally as scheduled.

So, how can we have the ability to love and avoid entering the cycle of pain again and again?

That is to learn to attribute it inwardly, starting from yourself, and then influencing him and helping him grow instead of changing him.

Because as long as you have love and live together, he will definitely change. Whether you want to affect him or not, you are affecting him. However, under your influence, he may get better or worse. So, what can you do to influence him in a better and better direction?

First of all, we must distinguish the difference between influence and change. The purpose of both is to change him, but the premise of influence is permission, and the premise of change is not permission. Impact feels positive, change feels negative. We should not forcefully change the other half, but gradually influence the other half through subtle influence.

When the other person does not do well, allow him or her, give him room to grow, express gratitude when he pays, and give him timely confirmation. Influence him, accept and support him through this process.

You must first find the reasons within yourself, reflect on yourself, attribute it inwardly, improve yourself, learn to speak well, actively communicate with him, understand the real him, let him know in time what kind of feelings and thoughts you have, and Express your understanding of him, and when he gets your understanding, he will give in and understand you. When he makes concessions to you, you should express your gratitude in time. Don’t always look for reasons and shortcomings in him, and then blame him and change him.

When the other person does something you want him to do, you should promptly use affirmative words or actions to strengthen him and praise him.

Therefore, he will also be influenced by you, change because of you, and correct his shortcomings; in this way, the two people will influence each other, make progress together, and grow into better people together.

You know, two people from different original families will definitely have many differences. After getting along for a long time, the shortcomings of two people will be exposed. Many people will feel disappointed because of this. They often feel that they are not happy enough, but do not seriously look for the reasons.

There is no perfection in this world. Allow your lover to have shortcomings and differences. Don’t be picky, and don’t deliberately pursue what is right or wrong. Many times, what is difficult for the other person to change is just a long-term habit. We must accept those differences and not always focus on his shortcomings. Don’t always think about changing him, let alone want to replace him at every turn.

Just like my cousin, she later married a professor. The professor is a person who understands love very well and has the ability to love. He knows how to influence his cousin in the right direction. Now, their life is extremely happy.

For example:

When I came home from get off work, I saw that the house was in a mess, but my cousin was watching TV. My cousin’s previous reactions were that her mood suddenly changed drastically, and she lost her temper and said to her cousin: Why do you have time to watch it? TV, don’t you clean up your house? Don’t want to cook either? My cousin would fight back and say: I just came back from get off work and wanted to watch some TV to relax before cleaning up and cooking. Also, why do I have to clean up and cook? Can’t you do these? Don’t you have a share in this family? Then they started to quarrel, and no one gave in. They had to fight to win or lose.

As for my cousin’s current girlfriend, if he sees his cousin watching TV when he comes home, the house is very messy, she is not cleaning or cooking, he knows the real her, and he will feel with all his heart: She is lazy again, I She must be guided well. Then she would ask distressedly: “Baby, what’s wrong with you today? Are you in a bad mood?” My cousin was instantly influenced, and there was no chance of another quarrel. She hugged her cousin-in-law and gave her a few sweet kisses, and then went to cook and cook. Packing up, tidy up.

Most of the problems in life are precisely because we lack the ability to love, do not know how to influence, and always try to change him in our own way. Although our intentions were good, our methods were inadequate, leading to failure, conflict, and endless hurt and pain.

When we learn the ability to love, understand the positive influence, attribute it inwardly and accept the real person, change ourselves, and learn to get along with him. I no longer think of it as “finding the wrong person”, but attribute it to “when we can’t get along,” and we begin the path of self-growth. I started a journey of exploration and seeking to get along with him, and I embarked on a path to a marriage that would make me happy.

On the road of life, love is a required course, and it is also a road of continuous growth.

Whether it is with relatives, loved ones, colleagues, friends, or strangers, as long as a person masters the ability to love, he can make the relationship harmonious, reduce unnecessary troubles, and live a life that truly belongs to him. happy life.

Leo Tolstoy said: “Happiness does not depend on external causes, but depends on our attitude towards external causes. A person who is used to enduring hardship and hard work cannot be unhappy.”

May we all master the ability to love, learn to love ourselves and others better, and have a happy and fulfilling life.