Writing this article is to share my experience of a nine-month extramarital affair.

I’m 36 years old and work as an accountant in a company. I’m married.

I don’t know when it started, but I became interested in astrology. Not obsessed, not superstitious, just found it fun.

I’m a Pisces woman, and coincidentally, I have a Scorpio male colleague at work.

During our conversations, we often talked about how well Pisces and Scorpio get along.

Sometimes, I would sneak a curious glance at this Scorpio man, and at some point, the same look was returned.

For the next two years, it was just ambiguous glances and online chats, talking about work, life, and nothing else.

Until one day, his wife found out about the 10,000 yuan I had lent him from his phone and started a fight with him. He told me:

“Physically, I haven’t cheated, but emotionally, I have.”

After that, our conversations became more and more brazen, until one day, he made a sexual request!

I was surprised and confused by the request. I told my best friend about it.

My best friend told me that he was flirting with me, being intimate with me, meeting my emotional needs, but men have stronger visual and sensory needs, and he felt unbalanced.

In order to satisfy him, we found a balance. After struggling for four or five days, I finally agreed, and we got together.

Before we started, he told me not to have too high expectations of him and not to affect his marriage.

My definition for him was to have a love affair without marriage. But I found myself thinking about him often.

I thought about him during the day, at night, at work, and even when I was with my children!

I thought about him when I went grocery shopping, when I went shopping for clothes!

So, I bought him food, things, and clothes that I thought he needed, all small things, of course.

He said he couldn’t accept the clothes, but he accepted the food without hesitation. However, I rarely received gifts from him, and he rarely put any thought into me.

Gradually, I started asking him if he missed me or liked me. Because I knew that men could sleep with women based solely on their feelings.

Later, I asked him if he liked me more or liked his wife more.

I started to mind that he had someone else in his bed, that he handed over all his salary to his wife, and that he bought a car for his wife.

As for him, besides chatting and flirting with me and occasionally bringing some fruit at the right time, there was nothing else.

He hardly ever took the initiative to say he missed me, let alone that he liked me.

When I pushed him, he said that even after marriage, he rarely said things like “I miss you” or “I love you,” he’s not good at it.

We didn’t watch movies, we didn’t go on dates, and when we were together, besides occasionally having lunch, it was just about sex. Our time together was very short.

Of course, this is also related to the reality of the situation.

Firstly, half of his monthly income goes towards paying off the mortgage and car loan, so he may not have extra money to spend on me.

We work in construction, and he hardly gets any vacation in a year. Besides holidays, he doesn’t have time to spend with his family and children.

So, every once in a while, I would make a fuss. This kind of peaceful interaction made me feel like he didn’t love me!

During a calm moment, I asked him if he had any demands of me.

He said:

“Yes, I hope we can just have a simple and plain relationship, chat and confide in each other. Occasionally, a bit of passion is enough, no need for too much.”

Fine, I accepted it too!

So, we made up after crying and fussing. Then it was my birthday.

On his birthday, I played music for him, cut his nails, wrote him a letter, sent him a red envelope, and even gave him a gift.

When it was my birthday, I didn’t tell anyone. My husband forgot my birthday, and for the first time, I felt lucky. That day, I only wanted to be with him.

I took a shower, put on makeup, wore my prettiest clothes, and happily went to work.

I received a red envelope in the morning: “Happy birthday”, haha, quite fresh!”

At noon, he wanted to make noodles for me! But as lunchtime approached, I received a message from him: “There are too many people in the office today, a lot of colleagues are here!”

I quickly replied, “Then I’ll go home to eat!”

He sent a “Oops” expression.

So, I hurried home. But in the afternoon, I was still waiting, and nothing happened.

In the evening, my emotions suddenly collapsed, and I cried loudly in the middle of the night. Loving someone shouldn’t be like this, with no words or actions. What he gave me was just too little, so little that it was pitiful.

Actually, he took care of my emotions quite well, often bringing me fruit and snacks, and reminding me at work. But everything he did was under the premise of not affecting his work and marriage.

When the boss was around, he would deliberately keep his distance from me! After work, he hardly ever messaged me! I never saw him put in even a little effort for me.

So, after my birthday, I decisively left.

When I left, I asked him why he couldn’t interact with me in the way I needed.

He told me that reality doesn’t allow it, that both people can’t take the initiative, or else things will get out of control. He was willing to let me go!

Finally, he forwarded a video from the internet, meaning something like this: Even if two people can’t be married for a lifetime, they will still remember each other. Once someone enters your heart, it’s for a lifetime.

He said he wouldn’t leave me, and I didn’t lose him. He was still the same Scorpio as before. We just found a different way to be together.

He’s this kind of man, lukewarm, not fast or slow, not cold or hot, not near or far. He takes care of me, cares for me, but is unwilling to give too much.

What’s wrong with this man? I’m very sad, and I’m very unwilling!

I really like him, but I feel like he doesn’t like me as much, or what he can give me is just too little!

Although I’m reluctant, I don’t want to go back to the way things were.

It’s too painful. What should I do?