When facing betrayal in a relationship, we often use a word—saving. This word itself implies actively trying to keep the other person, but this kind of initiative does not mean you have to lower yourself and desperately beg the other person.

Always remember, a relationship, a bond, cannot be begged for. Good relationships are voluntary; when someone likes and cares for you, it’s their choice, not something you force out of them. You may use various methods to keep someone by your side, but if their heart and feelings are not with you, do you truly think you can be happy?

So, saving a relationship is not about begging, not about pleading, not about trying everything to prevent someone from leaving.

Marriage is an equal relationship, some describe it as a balanced power dynamic. The underlying meaning is that a healthy marital relationship should be based on mutual respect, or else it will lead to a demeaning situation.

When facing betrayal in a relationship, if you choose to save and repair it, you need to be clear in your attitude. My attempt to save the relationship is not out of fear of losing the person, but to give marriage and this bond a chance, to see if it can get back on track and continue harmoniously.

Admittedly, after experiencing betrayal, emotionally one may not want to belittle themselves and beg the other person. However, in reality, many people do. Why? Essentially, it’s because they fear losing or feel incapable of dealing with the betrayal.

Some friends have mentioned that they don’t want to plead with the other person, but feel compelled to do so. They believe if they don’t plead, the other person won’t care, and a broken family or single parenthood is inevitable.

Indeed, for those facing a certain level of betrayal, there might not be a good way to make them realize their mistake. However, one must realize that responsibility and commitment to a relationship, family, and children cannot be fulfilled by pleading with the other person. Many individuals only carry the titles of husband, wife, father, or mother without fulfilling any responsibilities towards their marriage and family.

Usually, after the partner’s betrayal, the first step is communication, primarily focused on reasoning—appealing to emotions and logic.

Marriage is a long journey, forming a family is not easy. Betrayal damages marriage and family, hurts children both in terms of ideology and psychologically—this is what one should emphasize when trying to save the relationship. However, many betrayed individuals tend to concentrate on their own pain during communication, turning it into complaints and grievances. Consequently, the message the other person receives is that your attempt to save the relationship is for yourself, not for the family or them.

It’s hard for someone who betrayed you to genuinely care about you. If they truly cared, why would they betray you? Therefore, the content and topics of communication with them, the issues you want to resolve, need to be carefully chosen. Many betrayers have a bad attitude because they can’t handle your emotions and want to avoid facing their responsibilities.

Even when appealing to emotions and logic, if the other person remains indifferent despite your efforts, you might feel helpless and end up begging them eventually.

This is the real emotional journey for many betrayed individuals—initially, they expect the other person to seek forgiveness, but eventually, they find themselves pleading for the other person to return.

In cases where the other person remains indifferent or stubborn, considering divorce might be a clearer option.

Unfortunately, many people fear divorce and will always do so. If you advise them to consider it, they may quote the proverb “better to demolish ten temples than break one home” to indirectly blame you for suggesting such a drastic step.

It’s essential to be rational. If someone no longer respects marriage, family, or even love and affection, their values are evident. Continuing to live with such a person, will you truly be happy? As for the children, growing up in such an environment and mindset, is it really being responsible for them? These are questions that need careful consideration, rather than stubbornly believing that clinging to a marriage is always the right choice.

Whether due to practical or emotional reasons, divorce comes with numerous obstacles and isn’t something one can easily decide. Not getting divorced can also be acceptable. However, it’s crucial to understand that not getting a divorce might be because you are struggling with some problems, not because it’s the right choice.

Regardless of the obstacles you face, whether practical issues or inexplicable feelings, it’s important to realize that ultimately choosing to preserve the marriage should not be reliant on the other person. If you still depend on them, you fall into the trap discussed in this article, treating saving the relationship as a form of submission.

In conclusion, when it comes to saving a relationship, there are two key principles: there must be a limit to what you’re willing to do, and saving the relationship does not have to mean the other person must come back. Adhering to these principles can help navigate the complexities of dealing with betrayal.