Those who have never experienced emotional betrayal may not understand the problems it brings to a marriage, which are truly devastating. When facing emotional betrayal, even healing the wounds of the heart becomes a problem, and it’s hard to know how to interact with each other.

Marriage is a highly intimate partnership between two people without blood ties, cultivating a relationship that transcends parent-child relationships. Only then can a marriage be happy and stable.

Before the betrayal, the two people were inseparable, like one entity, transparent, without hiding or avoiding each other. But after the betrayal, this kind of interaction is broken, shattered instantly.

Then, you’ll suddenly find yourself not knowing how to interact with each other.

Awkwardness, estrangement, and unease become common in interactions, from having nothing to hide to having nothing to say; from speaking directly to being cautious with words.

In fact, this isn’t a personal problem; it’s a normal consequence of experiencing betrayal in a marriage.

Why does this happen? The reason is not hard to analyze.

It’s because of the destruction of trust.

The higher the trust, the more intimate the relationship. Now, because of the betrayal, trust is broken, and the two people can no longer interact like before, especially for the betrayed party, who finds it hard to trust the other person again. Trust is a genuine state of mind; you can’t deceive yourself.

Rebuilding trust takes time, even a long time. So, before trust is restored, the awkwardness, estrangement, and unease will persist, only gradually decreasing in intensity.

This principle is like not trusting a colleague, but due to work, you still need to interact with them. You’ll keep a certain distance, being cautious, but polite on the surface.

Therefore, the closeness and harmony of a relationship are directly proportional to trust. The higher the trust, the closer and more harmonious the relationship.

It’s because of mutual defense.

Because trust is broken, both parties will have psychological defenses. This defense mechanism exists, even for those trying to recover or repair their emotions.

The betrayed person will be on guard against being deceived again, making it hard to find the right attitude.

If they treat the other person as before, they fear being hurt again; if they’re too good, they seem to be letting the other person off the hook, and they fear the other person won’t take responsibility.

The betraying party also has psychological defenses, fearing that even if they make amends, they might not be forgiven, and the other person might suddenly leave.

It’s the fear of losing control of the relationship.

The betraying party knows the harm they’ve caused to the marriage and family, but many people still take a chance, thinking the other person won’t discover it or that they can handle it if they do.

However, most betraying parties don’t want to end the marriage or cause more trouble, so they’ll be cautious, fearing their words and actions might worsen the relationship and lead to further deterioration.

The betrayed party also has conflicting emotions, sometimes wanting to forgive and move on, sometimes feeling unbearable pain and wanting to end the marriage. This inner conflict will manifest in their behavior, making their attitude towards the other person hot and cold.

Additionally, because of uncertainty about their choice, they might emotionally reject the other person while fearing that being too cold might lead to further loss.

In reality, after experiencing betrayal, a wall suddenly appears between the two people, which is an inevitable consequence of betrayal. If it weren’t for the family and children, the best choice would be to leave the person who betrayed you, as it’s indeed difficult to interact with someone who has betrayed you.

However, emotions are emotions, and marriage is marriage. Even if the other person has betrayed you, you might still convince yourself to hold on, leading to emotional rejection and instinctive rejection. But psychologically, you want intimacy, which is a contradiction, resulting in awkwardness and estrangement.

This awkward interaction has two simple solutions:

First, accept it calmly, which is a normal consequence of betrayal.

Second, don’t worsen the relationship as a principle, and follow your heart, doing what you want to do, saying what you want to say when you want to.

In this process, there will be pretenses, even “hypocrisy,” but it’s necessary to maintain the relationship. Of course, if you choose to end the marriage, you can skip this process, but many people can’t adapt to this need for “pretenses” in marriage, so they torture themselves before finally choosing divorce.