I know many women automatically consider the extramarital affair they find themselves in as a completely new relationship.

They may think they have encountered a brand-new man, a new opportunity, and a new emotion.

But what I want to say is that many extramarital affairs are a setup by men around their sexual needs; if you remove the sexual element, this relationship will collapse.

I will first interpret the inner monologue of a man and a woman in an extramarital affair

1. Positioning of Extramarital Affairs

Man: I met this woman, she has the appearance and figure that I like, and she is also married, so this relationship is very simple and convenient for me. I will first probe a little, then flirt and show concern, and I will win her over. I also specifically told her that I have no intention of getting a divorce. So, being with her is cost-effective and low risk for me, and what man would be foolish to refuse another woman?

Woman: I met this man, and he used charm and concern to open my heart. Maybe it was fate’s way of rescuing me from my unhappiness in marriage. We both found comfort in each other, and it was a deep connection. Maybe it was a chance for us to be reborn.

2. Things Wanted in an Extramarital Affair

Man: What I am most dissatisfied with in my wife is her lack of interest in sex; I need a woman to fulfill my sexual needs that I cannot fulfill in my marriage. As for emotions, I don’t seem to need them.

Woman: What I am most dissatisfied with in my husband is his lack of care for me; I need a man to provide me with the care and consideration that my husband doesn’t, otherwise life feels dull and dark.

3. Investment in the Extramarital Affair

Man: I want to maintain this extramarital affair at the lowest cost and risk, as my primary need is sexual. If the cost is too high and the risk too great, then I will give up.

Woman: My investment in this relationship depends on how well I get along with this man; if it is true love, I am willing to take risks and make sacrifices.

4. Duration of the Extramarital Affair

Man: I’ll play it by ear. As long as it’s low cost and low risk, having another woman to satisfy my sexual needs is always good.

Woman: I’m afraid of losing this relationship; how can I make this man love me more and maintain it for a longer time?

From the above monologues, I want to remind women in extramarital affairs:

1️⃣ You are not meeting a brand-new man; you are meeting a second-hand, incomplete man
Because he is a married man, and his time and energy will not be equally divided with you. This is a major fact that cannot be changed no matter how far the extramarital affair progresses.

Also, the man automatically assumes that he does not need to invest too much in a woman who is also married, “because you are married too, you don’t have a large market or many options, and no man would compete with me.”

2️⃣ This is not a brand-new opportunity for dating, but an opportunity for you to experience the pain of an extramarital affair
Most men in extramarital affairs have achieved their goals, while women have not, so women are likely to feel used by men.

Men use emotional talk to satisfy their sexual needs, and they also get emotional satisfaction. Women thought they could handle an extramarital affair nonchalantly, focusing only on sex without love, but in the end, they found themselves seeking genuine care and concern from the man.

This extramarital affair fills women with contradictory and self-convincing moments. They don’t want to admit that this relationship is just a fling and that they only deserve such low treatment from the man. Because what they really desire is a complete love.

3️⃣ This relationship is worse than all your previous relationships
If a woman wants to seek emotional support from the man under the guise of being an “official boyfriend,” the man will back off.

This extramarital affair was originally a setup by men to satisfy their sexual needs, and women were the pawns.

From the start, this was not a sincere and honest relationship. “Extramarital affairs are supposed to be more casual,” the man says. “After all, we are all married, so we don’t need to fuss over formalities,” he adds.

The man thinks that the woman is just as insincere and casual as he is, but women always take every relationship seriously and expect genuine commitment; that’s just in a woman’s nature.

So this is a relationship that started insincerely and continues to be insincere. I think, isn’t this relationship much worse than your first boyfriend or your current husband?

So, I’ll end with a soul-searching question:

Faced with a second-hand, incomplete man, a relationship that begins and is maintained insincerely, collapses when the sexual desire is removed, and cannot satisfy your true needs, do you really want it?