He loved her very much, and she loved him very much. After three years of sweet love, they got married. She was only 23 years old when they got married. She was originally a white-collar worker in a big city. In order to marry him, she quit her job and returned to his small town. After getting married, she devoted herself to running the family.
However, she gave up her career for her beloved husband, and after more than three years of being at home with her husband and raising children, they divorced.
There was no cheating, no domestic violence, the reason for the divorce was simple, there was no feeling of love anymore.
He said: She is out of touch with society. She is always nagging at home and makes trouble all day long. I’m tired after working all day, but when I get home, she still makes me do this and that, and listens to her nagging and complaining, and she thinks I don’t earn enough. I’m fed up.
She said: After marriage, he changed. He stopped doing all the things he used to do. He would only treat her as a free nanny. He would never leave his phone when he got off work. He had nothing to say. He didn’t care about the children or everything at home. As if this family has nothing to do with him, I’m sick of it.
Is the above scenario disturbing? Do you feel the same way? When you are in love, you only see the good qualities of the other person, but when you get married, you only see all the shortcomings, and even your belly button can be seen as a scar.
Do you also feel this way? When you are in love, you feel that the whole world is full of sweetness and happiness. But after living together or getting married, this feeling will slowly fade or even disappear completely. The two people who were originally close to each other seemed to have become enemies and enemies; what was left was just a pile of chicken feathers and hurting each other.
There is a saying that “marriage is the grave of love.” Is this really the case? Is this situation really unavoidable and unchangeable?
The answer is: no!
As long as you practice well and use the first language mentioned in the book “Five Love Languages”: “Words of Affirmation”, you can change the above state. Life after marriage can still be as sweet as when you were in love, or even happier and sweeter than when you were in love.
The author of the book “Five Love Languages” is Dr. Gary Chapman, a well-known American marriage counseling expert and a millionaire New York Times best-selling author. He holds marriage seminars all over the United States to provide married people with Providing marriage counseling has saved countless couples struggling on the verge of relationship breakdown.
The English version of this book has sold more than 5 million copies since its publication in 1992; the Chinese version has sold more than 100,000 copies since its publication, showing great influence.
So how do we use the little trick of affirmative words?
That is, in daily life, you should praise and affirm your partner a lot, because appreciation is the best preservative of the relationship between husband and wife.
As the saying goes: “A kind word warms a person for three winters, but a bad word hurts someone for six months.”
We should use positive and positive language to affirm our partner’s abilities or appreciate our partner’s contribution to the family. This will greatly encourage the other party and facilitate further communication between the two parties.
Everyone wants to be affirmed, encouraged, and praised; especially in front of family members who live together, no one likes to be blamed and criticized all day long.
Just imagine: if you were a child and helped your mother wash socks for the first time, you ended up with water and soap bubbles all over the balcony, and even wet your own clothes. Your mother scolded you and told you to be okay. Don’t cause trouble for her. Do you still want to wash it?
If your mother not only doesn’t get angry, but also praises you for being smart and well-behaved and knowing how to help her with housework, would you still be willing to continue washing socks?
Many people think that after they live together or get married, their boyfriend’s attitude changes, from being attentive and careful to being careless. In fact, it has something to do with this.
Because many people understand the importance of encouragement, praise and education when dealing with children, but when it comes to facing their partners, they don’t understand. They often say to their partners: “Why are you so stupid!” and “You are so worthless!” “Besides XXX, what else can you do?”
Are you familiar? Do you want to poke your heart?
As a result, the more you accuse him, the more disappointed he becomes. And the one being blamed is also full of resentment, so how can he still feel love? How can you still be in the mood to do housework?
In fact, adults, like children, need affirmation and praise. The more you praise him, the more energetic he will do, the more he will do, the more he will enjoy it, and the better he will do. If he hasn’t done it yet, or if he doesn’t do it well at first, if you deny him or accuse him, he will definitely not be willing to do it again.
Think about it again, if you clean your home while your partner is at work, what do you look forward to most?
Maybe it’s just “You keep your house really clean.”
However, when my partner came back from get off work, he turned a blind eye and went straight to the bathroom. After washing his hands and face, he came out, then slumped on the sofa and checked his mobile phone, waiting for dinner. At this time, are you very disappointed and angry?
On the contrary, if your partner says as soon as he walks in: “It’s so comfortable at home! I have such a capable wife like you and give me a clean and warm home every day. I am so lucky because I saved the galaxy in my previous life!” At this time, you Are you very happy and feeling happy?
So, if your partner does a housework, no matter whether he did it well or not, you have to praise him: “Husband, you are awesome. I chose the right person when I chose you. I am really lucky to marry you.” If What he did is not good enough. After praising him, you can patiently remind him and guide him to ensure that he will be willing to do it next time and do better.
As the famous “Pygmalion Effect,” or “Expectation Effect” says: Praise, trust and expectation have a kind of energy that can change people’s behavior.
When a person gains the trust and praise of another person, his sense of self-worth will continue to increase and he will gain a positive motivation to strive to meet the other person’s expectations. So, don’t be stingy with your praise and affirmation, because this is really important to your partner.
Cai Shaofen does a great job in affirming and praising her partners.
Many people know that Cai Shaofen is famous for showing off her husband. When she mentioned her husband, her eyes were filled with stars.
Zhang Jin and Cai Shaofen are a model couple in the entertainment industry. They have been married for more than 12 years, and their love is still as sweet as ever.
Everyone knows that Cai Shaofen’s career is stronger than Zhang Jin’s. Marriage in which the woman is strong and the man is weak is the most likely to cause problems. Because there will always be someone who constantly reminds that man that you are where you are today because of your wife.
In front of the public, Cai Shaofen has been deliberately shaping Zhang Jin’s image and emphasizing how good Zhang Jin is. They exaggerate Jin’s outstanding personal abilities, praise him for his acting skills, his martial arts skills and his beautiful movements. She protected Zhang Jin’s image very well, making everyone think that Zhang Jin would still be popular even without Cai Shaofen, and did not give the public a chance to look down on Zhang Jin.
Once, He Jiong asked Cai Shaofen: “About how often do you mention your husband every day?”
Cai Shaofen replied: “Actually, I want to praise him as soon as I think of it, but I can’t help it, because he is so talented. He is very handsome, very good at martial arts, dances well, and sings very well—I’m not lying to you, you guys You’ll know it as soon as you hear it.”
How good Zhang Jin is to Cai Shaofen, you can watch “My Favorite Women”. In that show, you can deeply feel: Zhang Jin always takes Cai Shaofen into his heart.
In an episode of “My Favorite Women”, Zhang Jin queued for 2 hours to buy Shanghai Internet celebrity scallion pancakes for Cai Shaofen to eat.
After Cai Shaofen came back, although she had already had dinner, when she knew that her husband had queued for two hours to buy the cake, she ate it happily while praising her husband for his “carefulness” and the delicious cake he bought.
Then, in “My Favorite Women”, Zhang Jin celebrated Zhang Jin’s birthday, and Cai Shaofen specially invited other celebrity friends to help create a surprise, which already moved Zhang Jin enough. What’s even more amazing is that they don’t know how to make cakes. After trying the recipe, the cake they made was as thin as a scallion pancake.
Cai Shaofen reacted quickly, put some green decoration on the cake, and said to Zhang Jin: “This is a cake with a story, because you queued for two hours to buy scallion pancakes for me, so we made this scallion pancake.” Oil cake.”
“Two candles, one is to wish you a happy birthday, and the other is to thank mom for raising such a good person like you.”
This compliment killed three birds with one stone. It not only saved the face of his friends, but also made Zhang Jin’s mother very happy. It also made Zhang Jin even more moved.
Treat love as a verb, develop proactive habits, change yourself, express love, appreciation and gratitude to your partner. You will find that the more you act of love, the more you will feel love; the more love you have The more you feel, the more willing you are to take actions of love, and this is the true meaning of love: the more you give, the more you have.
A person who loves you can live well alone; therefore, love is the icing on the cake. Since you have chosen love, don’t be stingy in expressing love and don’t accept your partner’s contributions for granted.
What starts to make people happy must be affirmative words of praise. Life is not all about interests, but more about mutual achievement and warmth!