In love, there is a kind of man who thinks that he is already in love and will sincerely express his love for a woman. However, his love is limited to his words and only stays in his heart. He rarely shows love to the woman he loves. What substantial contribution in action.

Don’t talk about substantive contributions, just label them as material and utilitarian.

Everyone wants the person they love to be happy. If you can make your lover happy through your own efforts, it is certainly a dream. If a person really cares about you, he will definitely be willing to do things for you.

Men, in particular, are born with the instinct to satisfy their women. This does not mean that men are inherently more dedicated than women, but that most men will enjoy a sense of accomplishment and value in the process of satisfying women.

Therefore, regardless of material and utilitarian gains and losses, whether a man is willing to make substantial contributions for you can indeed tell your status in his heart from a certain perspective.

If you expect something or something from him, it’s obviously not difficult for him, but he just won’t do it. It is human nature to feel cold and doubt whether he loves you or not.

After all, in most marriages, especially in the process of giving birth and raising children, women contribute much more to the family than men. Just imagine, if a man is unwilling to give during the love stage, how hard it will be for a woman to live after marriage. Therefore, it is not an exaggeration to say that women should be more “harsh” and cautious during the love selection period.

What’s more, the time you have to be carried away by hormones is limited. When you are passionate, you don’t care about the issue of balance of payments. When the passion has passed, in the years to come, when we face conflicts, disputes, and difficulties in our life together, he will not have done anything to move you or remember him, and you will have nothing to remember about his kindness. Really, It’s easy to give up.

This is why some couples, who obviously love each other very much and have no quarrels or major conflicts, break up as soon as they walk away. And some people who don’t love each other much, because of each other’s dedication, the two people are held together tightly without knowing it. After a long time, even if they don’t talk about love, they can withstand the wind and rain and grow old together with just kindness.

So, what is substantive contribution?

I think it includes the material level and the spiritual level, such as: career support, interest and hobby support, financial support, self-value improvement, life cooking, solving difficulties, the emotional value of asking for help, spending time with high-quality companionship, trying our best to fulfill your wishes, etc.

If a man keeps saying that he loves you, but he basically doesn’t do the above. He has no mind to deal with your troubles. He is too busy with work and has no time to accompany you. He just sleeps with you when you meet him. He obviously has the resources to help you in your career but he says he wants to avoid suspicion. His future responsibilities are limited to verbal promises. He has never given you a decent gift with sincerity. …..

If so, either he is lying to you, or he has also lied to himself, or he is a guy who only loves himself and not others.

A reminder is needed here. Anything related to physical satisfaction, including all the preparation and preparation for going to bed, does not count as the substantive contribution I am talking about.

The purpose of all the efforts made for the pleasure in bed is to achieve a better “mutual happiness”. In the end, it is himself who enjoys it. At most, it is mutual pleasure for both parties, not for you. This also answers the question of many women: When dating, a man is gentle, considerate and sweet-talking, but once we break up, it’s like he is no longer there. In this way, it is said to be love, but what is the actual difference between it and P friends?

So, what should you do if you meet a man who refuses to devote himself to you during your relationship?

In the first case, if his so-called love is just lies and deception, then there is nothing to say. Let him get away as far as you want. If he refuses to get away, you can always get out of the way.

In the second case, if he is born to be a very selfish person and the only person he truly loves is himself, he will calculate the interests and losses with his biological mother. It would be great if he pays a little and takes a little risk, but he cannot see your efforts and risks at all. Big… This kind of man, although he thinks he loves you very much, when his own interests are involved, he still loves himself the most. The countermeasures are the same as in the first situation, dodge quickly, unless you are born with the constitution of a holy mother and can do all your life without giving anything in return without losing your mentality.

The third situation is that he thinks it is true love and is willing to pay for you from the bottom of his heart, but it is far from what you expect. In other words, his standard of giving to his lover is relatively stingy and far from the world standard. This is the only situation where you can try dating. Details below.

At this time, we need to examine ourselves first to see if there is something wrong with the way we make demands on him.

Men and women communicate differently. Women focus on their feelings and often release negative emotions to men without clearly stating the solution. Men, on the other hand, cannot hear the information they find useful—specific solutions, so they only feel upset after listening to women’s emotional garbage, but they don’t know what they should do to satisfy women.

When two people get along, if one party is always complaining and making demands, from a certain perspective, it is a sign of low value for that party. Why can you only complain, because he is not good enough to you, but you have no ability to change. Every complaint you make becomes evidence of lowering your status.

Most men don’t like to be coerced, forced, or controlled. Therefore, when making requests to your man, you cannot use subtraction, but use addition.

Subtraction refers to: negative complaints, grievances, sadness, accusations, and anger. After receiving these negative emotional messages, men will not reflect and improve as women expect, but will sadly think: I have tried very hard but still cannot satisfy her. It seems that she is not happy at all with me. It seems that no matter what I do, it is useless. This relationship should not be the final choice. With this idea, a man is even less willing to pay more, because he feels that there is a high probability that it will be in vain.

Addition means: express gratitude, praise and encouragement to him every time he fulfills your wishes. A man needs his efforts to be noticed and appreciated by women, rather than taken for granted. You want him to feel that doing things for you and making you happy is a happy thing, not a task.

No matter what you want a man to do for you, it’s best to let him do it for you willingly and quietly. You can induce it, but it’s best not to ask for it.

Therefore, control your first reaction in advance and try to analyze rationally. Is there any reason why he refuses your request that you are not aware of? Is it because your attitude and way of making requests makes him disgusted? Just because he’s not willing to do it now doesn’t mean he’s not willing to satisfy you in the future. You know, people’s ideas can change at any time. Whether the changes make you more comfortable depends on the trend and direction of your relationship and your wisdom.

Although you examine your own problems first, it does not mean that you agree with his lack of dedication. He also needs to pay some price for his selfishness and self-preservation.

Since, at the moment, there is only so much he is willing to do for you, then please restrain yourself from giving to him.

I am not teaching you utilitarianism. I know that love is not about exchanging things for things, nor is it about calculating gains and losses. But after all, you live in the secular world, and you cannot live beyond daily necessities. My advice is for the long-term health of the relationship.

If your contribution is always much greater than that of the other person, one day your heart will be unbalanced and your dissatisfaction will break out. The negative emotions at that time will be enough to destroy his attachment and attention to you, which is not enough in the first place.

You can still love him sincerely, but you can only keep it in your heart for the time being. In terms of behavior, you have to control your own efforts, including time, energy, emotions and materials.

When the emotional balance of both parties is close to balance, and when your mentality is truly peaceful and stable, you will examine the direction of this relationship more rationally.

At the same time, if you step back and relax, the other person will definitely feel it. A person’s instinct will make him curious about you in turn, worrying whether you don’t love him that much anymore, wondering what has taken away your attention, and he will instinctively want to pull you back. Many people are like this. They take it for granted when they have it, and cannot accept losing a little bit.

What should you do if you have made all these efforts and he still refuses to pay a little more for you?

There are just two options.

The first option is to accept it. Whether it’s because you’re too high-spirited or because you meet someone unkindly, in this relationship, you just can’t hold it. If you are just greedy for other people’s benefits and you will get as much as they give you, then you can only accept it. The fact that you are willing to endure it may also mean that judging from other conditions, you are not too disadvantaged.

When it comes to love and marriage, it really depends on your destiny. You won’t necessarily get as much as you put in. From the perspective of cause and effect and reincarnation in Buddhism, you are destined to come here in this life to repay the kindness of the previous life or to pay off the debts of the previous life. Once the kindness is repaid and the debt is paid off, the fate is over, and the task in this aspect of this life is considered completed.

Thinking this way, maybe you can calm down your mentality. Your mentality has really improved. Maybe as a man matures and experiences more, he will realize how valuable you are and slowly learn to cherish and repay you.

The second option, regardless of whether it is a high climb or not, I will not suffer this crime. Whatever capital I have, I will find a suitable partner, even if it means getting married, as long as I am mentally happy. I would rather laugh on a bicycle than cry in a BMW. What’s more, many people didn’t get a BMW, and they still felt aggrieved every day. They had no spirit, no material, so why bother?

Wouldn’t it be nice to have the time to learn some skills and improve yourself?

If flowers bloom, butterflies will come. If people are wonderful, God will arrange it.