How to Deal with Emotional Betrayal?

This is a huge topic, involving a series of specific and further questions: how to heal emotional wounds; whether to forgive or not; how to restore and repair relationships; how to rebuild trust; whether to continue or divorce; and how to eliminate various emotional knots….

Each specific question can be overwhelming, especially when so many questions are concentrated in a short period, which is undoubtedly the most difficult problem you’ve faced in your life. However, no matter how many problems you have, you still need to face and solve them. So, how do you solve them correctly?

If we summarize the solutions to these specific problems with an abstract concept, it’s just one:

Find a path that suits you.

Those who finally made it out did so by doing just that.

What does it mean to suit you? It means you feel comfortable with it, it aligns with your inner needs, and it’s consistent with your personality. That’s what it means to suit you.

For example, if you choose to forgive, then forgive; if you don’t want to forgive, don’t force yourself. If you want to divorce, be brave and do it; if you don’t want to divorce, don’t keep thinking about it all day.

It seems like we still haven’t solved the problem, so let’s dive deeper.

Understand Yourself

To find a path that suits you, you must first understand yourself thoroughly.

If you don’t understand yourself, you won’t know what you want, what your strengths and weaknesses are, what you’re most afraid of, what you care about most, what you can’t accept, and what kind of life you don’t want. Especially if you don’t understand your personality, you won’t be able to find a path that suits you.

So, after being betrayed, it’s more important to understand yourself than to understand the other person. Many people use this process to reflect on themselves, analyze themselves, and feel like they’re using a knife to cut out their own flaws. It may be painful, but you’ll get two results: first, you’ll acknowledge your personality flaws; second, you’ll be able to adjust and change yourself from the inside out.

In my readers, there are cases where the person who was betrayed ended up being the one to initiate divorce, and many people can’t understand why they didn’t fight back, why they gave in so easily… Actually, this is a choice that suits them, which means they’d rather not fight and argue, and they’re okay with that. That’s what it means to suit yourself.

In fact, every specific thing is like this. If you think this way, most problems can be solved easily, without being stuck or conflicted inside.

Accept Reality

You need to accept reality and make choices based on it.

What is reality? Simply put, you’ve been betrayed, your partner has cheated on you, and your marriage has experienced betrayal. You need to accept these facts, which means you need to accept that your marriage or life has experienced this.

These things can’t be erased; life can only move forward, not backward. What’s happened has happened, and you need to accept reality. Many people, if you ask them what they want, can’t answer because they want everything to go back to the way it was before, but that’s impossible.

So, all your thinking and coping should be based on facts. For example, if you’ve experienced betrayal, you need to accept that you’ll have a period of emotional downturn; if you’ve been betrayed, your relationship will definitely be damaged, and it’s impossible for the two of you to go back to the way it was overnight. These are all facts, and you need to accept them. The more you resist, the more painful it will be.

Don’t Be Influenced by Others

The path that suits you is like this: “Walk your own path, and let others talk.” To stick to your own path, you need to avoid being influenced by others. For example, you’ve decided to forgive, but your friends say, “What’s there to forgive? You should just divorce!” Or, you want to divorce, but your friends say, “Why divorce? You’ll be giving in to them!”

Then, you start to waver. What’s called indecision is just this.

When facing betrayal, your inner self must be firm and strong. At this time, external interference is inevitable, and it’s not necessarily malicious. Many are well-intentioned, but they’ll still disturb you. You need to learn to be firm; otherwise, you’ll never find a path that suits you.

For example, some people’s partners have cheated on them, but they still haven’t divorced because they’re firm in their choice, believing that this choice is loyal to themselves and the most suitable for them in this situation. As long as they’re not conflicted, there’s no problem. On the contrary, if they make a choice but keep wavering, it means they’re not firm.

Some people say, “Look at how others are living their lives,” but you might not be able to live that way. However, you might be able to live a life that others can’t. This goes back to what I said earlier: you need to understand yourself.

Finally, all coping is based on “responsibility,” which is taking responsibility for yourself.

After experiencing emotional betrayal, you must learn to take responsibility for yourself. When I make a choice, I know it’s my responsibility, and I won’t avoid or escape it. This choice might not be suitable for others, but it’s suitable for me, and I’m willing to take responsibility for it.

When you can take responsibility for yourself, you’ll find that the problem is already half-solved. Correspondingly, you’ll discover that those who can’t solve the problem, who are stuck for a long time, are actually still relying on others to take responsibility for them or lack the courage and ability to take responsibility for themselves.