Relationships and marriage are practical experiences in life. Before experiencing them, what you think is just what you think; only through personal experience will you truly understand what relationships and marriage are.

So, there are a thousand Hamlets in a thousand people, and a thousand interpretations of relationships and marriage.

People who have experienced betrayal in relationships are often advised to “let it go, these things are in the past, why do you always hold grudges, why do you always remember?” Actually, it’s not that they don’t want to let go or forget, some memories are just unforgettable. Besides, easily forgetting may not necessarily be a good thing.

You often hear inspirational quotes saying “Anger is a sign of your own incompetence,” so if you hold hatred in your heart, it seems narrow-minded. If you can’t forget and let go, you end up being like a chicken. But life isn’t like that, human nature isn’t like that. Sometimes, the reason why hate is hard to let go is simply because the initial hurt was too deep.

Don’t easily advise others to be kind without experiencing their pain.

Marriage is the same, you know its ups and downs. Society holds strong biases and prejudices against divorce, thinking one should endure and not choose divorce easily. Divorce is unforgivable… My articles often discuss divorce and encourage those who have experienced betrayal and are deeply troubled not to be afraid of divorce.

However, this has led to various criticisms from many people, especially betrayers, including the few who have been betrayed. I can understand the former group’s criticism, maybe because the betrayers read my articles, found the courage not to compromise, and then blamed me when they were dissatisfied. The latter group’s criticisms often leave me feeling bitter, as I hoped you would be strong and brave, yet you see me as malicious. Later, I understood them because they dare not face themselves, can only console themselves with “I won’t divorce for the greater good,” and my articles may have touched a nerve with them.

So, today I still want to say some things.

After experiencing betrayal in relationships, you really need to let go of the emotions, at least for that specific relationship. Especially if you choose to continue the marriage, not letting go will only increase your torment. Letting go doesn’t mean becoming heartless, it’s about easing your pain, which is more therapeutic.

You may say, if the feelings fade, can this marriage ever be happy?

If you’re willing to accept reality, the unhappiness in the marriage was already set in motion when the other person betrayed the relationship, regardless of whether you let go or not. Another reality is that a marriage that has experienced betrayal is indeed difficult to restore to its initial state—this is not about your efforts but the nature of betrayal.

Of course, even if the feelings fade, the marriage can still be maintained, that’s also reality, isn’t it? So, life is always the best teacher, teaching you that many things you once thought impossible are actually possible, such as unhappy marriages in reality.

Relationships and marriage are originally two different topics, and many people are fixated on firmly believing that without feelings, the marriage must end; without accepting divorce, the relationship must be fulfilling.

After experiencing betrayal, it’s necessary to let go of the emotions, but letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. Even forgetting the betrayal is probably irresponsible to yourself.

Many people are actually very quick to forget. We often say: once the wound heals, the pain is forgotten, or worse, the wound hasn’t even healed, but the pain is already forgotten.

Not forgetting doesn’t mean deeply remembering the details of the betrayal, these memories only harm yourself; not forgetting means that after going through all this, you must learn from it, not be so naive to easily trust someone, understand that human nature has both good and evil sides, learn to protect yourself, especially your emotions; learn to cherish yourself, especially your dignity; learn to be independent, because once you lose any dependence, you will have nothing to support you, rely on yourself, don’t expect anything from anyone…

Things like that, that’s what not forgetting means.

Don’t forget how difficult it has been for you to come this far, don’t forget that this experience almost led you into a disaster; almost kept you trapped for a lifetime. Occasionally look back at the past, to remind yourself that you must never walk this path again!