Facing betrayal in a relationship, whose fault is it really?

It seems like a no-brainer because those who haven’t experienced betrayal would say it’s definitely the betrayer’s fault. However, once betrayal happens, the one betraying may not see it that way. And the one being betrayed may not entirely blame the other.

After betrayal, almost always the betrayer will justify their actions, claiming they had reasons or felt forced. They might even believe that meeting you in the first place was a mistake, that the relationship was wrong from the start.

Yes, when emotions are betrayed, even the initial encounter seems like a mistake, which is hard to accept.

In the adult world, many things are just choices, not necessarily right or wrong. Betrayers often don’t see their actions as wrong; otherwise, they wouldn’t have betrayed in the first place.

Don’t argue about right and wrong with a betrayer; it will only lead to further chaos. Only when the consequences of their betrayal hit them will they see it as a mistake. Before that, they are unlikely to admit fault.

In fact, when you accuse someone of betraying emotions, they might feel morally judged by you, not understanding the harm caused. They may think you’re overreacting rather than acknowledging the pain they inflicted on you.

The most naive thing to do when facing betrayal is trying to educate the other person, making them realize their mistake and change their ways. But most betrayers don’t see themselves as wrong, so they won’t change.

Betrayal is a choice, and at the time, the betrayer believed it was the right one. The one being betrayed must understand it as a severe injury, realizing the other person was willing to harm them for selfish desires.

The hardest part in reconciliation is knowing that even if the betrayer apologizes and regrets their actions, you may never understand why they chose to betray in the first place.

Betrayal is like swallowing a bowl of sand, causing a choking sensation that’s hard to swallow.

After being exposed, betrayers typically have two common reactions: either divorcing you right away or continuing to oppress you, refusing to admit fault despite the harm caused.

If, after betrayal, the betrayer sincerely apologizes and cherishes the relationship, the betrayed may find it easier to forgive. What’s most challenging for the betrayed isn’t the mistake but the refusal to admit it.

To improve a relationship after betrayal, one must not take things too seriously. Overthinking leads to more entanglement and difficulty in moving on.

In the adult world, it’s hard to define right and wrong, only choices. Right and wrong depend on personal values, and if those align, there’s no need to debate.

Focus on choices rather than getting stuck on right or wrong. If someone chooses betrayal, then make your choice firmly, whether to continue or end the relationship, without dwelling on whether it’s right or wrong—right and wrong are always in the future, and without a future, it’s impossible to determine.