One of my friends is in a relationship. But this relationship has left her both enjoying and confused.

The man treats her like a goddess, being extremely infatuated with her. In the words of my friend, he is “attentive in every way possible.” He opens the car door for her, pulls out her chair at meals, buys medicine for her when she’s sick and quietly places it on the table, gives her a heating pad when it’s cold, a humidifier when it’s too dry…

Despite not having a heart of stone, my friend was completely moved. She had never been treated so well before, so she accepted him.

One would think that being cherished and pampered by such a considerate person would be enough, right?

But my friend knows deep down that she doesn’t love him. She finds fault in his lack of ambition and goals in his career, aside from being good at taking care of people and having a good temper, there’s nothing that makes her look up to him. Yet, she can’t bear to let go, after all, it’s not easy to come across someone who treats her so well.

I told her, “What you feel for him isn’t love, you’re just enjoying being loved and valued by someone.”

Since it’s not love, whether to keep or let go, it’s up to the individual’s choice. There are no set rules. In reality, there are many examples of couples who have lived happily together for a lifetime without passionate love, and they feel quite content.

Everyone has different expectations for life. Although everything seems perfect, reality is not so fulfilling. Faced with a multiple-choice question, how do you choose?

1. Those who mistake being touched for love are often people who lack love.

For some people, being loved, valued, and cared for has a fatal attraction. Many people, especially girls, are moved by the thoughtful gestures of the other person and accept them.

Upon careful observation, it’s not hard to notice that those who are attached to being pampered, valued, and cared for are mostly people who lack love.

They may not have received enough love and warmth from their original families during their upbringing, and they have lived cautiously since childhood. They seem very sensible, never trouble others, neglect their own needs, and are willing to satisfy others through their efforts and sacrifices in order to gain affirmation, value, and love. In plain terms, they are used to “pleasing” others.

Their social interactions are widely praised, and they are very popular. Indeed, who wouldn’t like to associate with such a person, always considering others, and even if they unintentionally trouble others, they will definitely repay the favor.

However, when such people, who do not value their own feelings, bring this attitude into a romantic relationship, they often lose their direction. After all, love is something that requires being true to one’s inner feelings. It’s irrational and not a matter of one giving one unit and receiving one unit in return.

People lacking love are most likely to mistake being touched for love. They may be swayed by sweet words from the other person, or melt because of their attentive help… They seem particularly susceptible to being moved, appearing extremely grateful and willing to reciprocate, otherwise, they feel indebted.

2. I don’t oppose having multiple relationships.

In addition to possibly not receiving enough warmth in their original families, they also lack romantic experiences. Or rather, they lack the experience of being passionately pursued. When you have many suitors, you won’t feel the need to hold onto one desperately. Only by experiencing the feeling of being adored by someone, and having multiple opportunities to be cherished, can one avoid falling for someone just because they say “good morning” and “good night”.

So, I have always not opposed young girls having a few relationships. Follow the laws of nature, when it’s time to do something, just do it openly and enjoy it. Finding a partner also requires a combination of knowledge and practical skills. Who can guarantee that the first one is the right fit, without trying, how would you know?

Only after enjoying the passionate pursuit, pleasing, and pampering from men, will her heart not feel starved for a man’s care and consideration. When there is no lack, it will not be disturbed by it, and she can clearly realize whether she truly loves him or not. She won’t just be moved because a man is nice to her.

3. Being good to you is just a stepping stone.

It’s not wrong to accept someone because you’re touched by them, but you need to know: his kindness to you is just a stepping stone. You can take a closer look at him because of this, and upon closer inspection, you find many qualities that touch your heart; upon another look, you realize you’ve fallen for him. A woman’s love may come a little slower, and that’s not surprising, that’s also love.

But being touched definitely does not equal love, knocking on the door doesn’t mean it’s open. If the only reason you choose him is for his care and consideration towards you, without appreciating and admiring him as a person deep down, then it’s simply being moved, sorry, the door is still waiting to be closed again.

To give an extreme example, if a beggar relentlessly treats you well, would you accept him just because he’s nice to you? I don’t mean to look down on beggars, I’m just making a comparison. A person whom you don’t truly appreciate and admire, or even someone you look down on a bit, if you let them live by your side for a long time, from a certain perspective, it’s no different from a beggar.

If you’re not seeking love, but just want someone who genuinely cares for you to spend your life with, that’s also fine. I mentioned at the beginning, how to choose is an individual’s decision. As long as you understand that being touched is not love, that’s good.

Even though a marriage with love may not necessarily last forever, people change, feelings change, everything changes. But if from the beginning of the marriage, there’s no passionate excitement of hormones, no deep infatuation, it’s somewhat of a regret.

While it’s said that in the end, all marriages turn into affection and tranquility, experiencing the calmness after the passion, and the dullness of stagnant water, are two different things.

4. Offering yourself because you’re touched, if he changes, your choice becomes worthless.

If his kindness towards you is your sole reason for choosing him, if one day he changes, whether it’s losing interest or not being as attentive, you will definitely regret it deeply. The reason you chose him no longer exists, and your entire choice becomes wrong.

In another scenario, being together because you genuinely love someone. Even if one day he changes and you have to break up, you won’t regret the past, you won’t regret every day spent with him. The happiness of being with someone you love will always be a precious experience and treasure.