A few days ago, I read a question online that made me think.

If a woman takes the initiative to seduce, will a married man refuse?

The first few years of marriage are the sweetest years of marriage, but in the daily trivialities of daily necessities, love is consumed little by little, the dopamine in the heart slowly dissipates, and the marriage becomes so vulnerable.

When the passion subsides, what is it that sustains the marriage?

Perhaps, having an affair can release the emptiness in the hearts of those men within the city walls.

That man had an affair, what exactly was he stealing?

1. What I stole was understanding

According to incomplete statistics, 50% of women and men have cheated at least once. Among married people, the cheating rate of men is as high as 75%. In contrast, less than 10% of men ask for divorce because of cheating.

Such a disparity in data comparison reveals the truth about the affair:

Most affairs are not because of love.

A man after middle age often feels lonely, because when he opens his eyes, he is surrounded by people who rely on him, but there is no one he can rely on.

Men need to shoulder many responsibilities when starting a family. Children, wives, fathers, houses, and cars are all heavy burdens on their shoulders.

They are always called the breadwinner of the family. In order to support the family, their inner thoughts are often not taken seriously.

Men who appear to be strong on the surface also need some understanding.

There is a question on the Internet: Why do men smoke a cigarette in the car before going back after work?

Because at home, a man is a father and a husband, but in the car, a man is just himself.

The worries of work, family concerns, one’s own loneliness, and long-term suppressed emotions cannot be relieved, and the whole person will be in a closed and depressed state.

Under such circumstances, if he meets a woman who can understand and tolerate him and soothe his inner emotions, it will be like a person who is lost in the forest seeing a ray of light, leading him out of the desolate place where he has been confused for a long time.

Everyone longs for a sense of identity. As a man, his heart longs to be comforted and understood.

Therefore, when a man has an affair, he steals understanding and empathy.

2. What I stole was a sense of freshness

Survey data shows that married men aged 40 to 50 are most likely to have affairs.

why?

Because men in this age group have been in marriages for ten or twenty years, and living a boring life repeatedly for ten years makes them feel very monotonous.

They will feel that they have missed the most beautiful and fighting years in life, and life should not be so boring and boring, and they have not yet enjoyed the fun of life.

Once a man has such an idea in his mind, there will be traces of his having an affair.

If there is teasing from a third party at this time, many men will lose control and hold up the white flag.

What do men picture? The freshness of the picture.

In terms of physical compatibility, verbal consideration, and gentle aggression, the third person who appears is very different from the wife who has been with him for more than ten or twenty years at home.

These will become the triggers for men to have affairs.

Therefore, when men have affairs, they want a sense of freshness.

3. What I stole was a moment of joy

In the minds of many men, the concept of “home” is deeply ingrained.

This has also led to many men struggling to carry it all by themselves. After swallowing all the tears, they want to escape from the reality of daily necessities and find a “gentle place” that they think of to escape reality.

And this “gentle town” can allow them to enjoy a moment of “satisfaction”.

The original girl’s skin has become saggy and she has become the mother of his child. The man cannot help but be obsessed with the young beauty outside.

In order to seek excitement and pleasure, some men cannot control themselves and test and take risks on the edge of extramarital affairs.

However, men are shrewd creatures. He has far more practical choices about marriage than women. He weighs interests more than feelings.

I have been busy all my life, from being poor to having a car, a house and savings. It took me half a lifetime to earn my wealth.

Leaving the family and children or even leaving the house for the sake of a lover is not cost-effective. If he is really penniless, the person he is having an affair with may not give him a second glance.

Most men will not give up their family for extramarital affairs. The one who can win will always be the powerful one.

In the end, family is where they belong.

Therefore, when a man has an affair, he steals the momentary pleasure in ordinary life.

Marriage is a big drama. If you want this drama to be outstanding and never be replaced by others, you must “act” every role in it well.

A reporter went to interview an American couple who were married over 70 years old: “What is the preservative of your marriage?”

They all answered in unison:

“Say good night before going to bed every day.”

Smith and Tiffany got married in their early 20s. Now they are both white-haired old people over 100 years old, and their great-grandchildren are several years old.

After 70 years of marriage, they still hold hands every time they go out, wear couple outfits of the same color, and say “good night” to each other before going to bed.

The agreement to “say good night” was made early in their marriage.

Even if they quarrel with each other, no matter how serious the quarrel is or how much they don’t want to talk to each other, they will at least write a small note or send a text message saying “good night”.

Because this is an agreement.

Tiffany said:

“Every time this happens, I can feel that he loves me, and most of his anger is gone. I will reply to him, and then quietly pour him a glass of milk and put it on his bedside.”

This is a small detail, a simple sense of ritual. Such a ritual will tell you that the person you love has always loved you.

Those long-term and happy marriages will live in detail down to the daily trivial matters.

We are both husbands and wives for the first time. We may not be perfect, but we have already assumed this role, so we have to “play” the part that we can do well, such as insisting on saying good night.