Why do we yearn for love?

The attraction of love lies in the fact that everyone longs to be loved and belong.

But when two people get along, they will inevitably encounter differences, conflicts and invisible games. This is a required course in love.

Especially after deepening the relationship, you need to have enough patience and strong communication skills.

Because the long-term relationship between men and women often depends on whether both parties can effectively communicate and understand each other’s needs and feelings.

Why are needs not taken seriously by your partner?

There is a term in psychology called “emotional neglect”.

Many people’s breakups start from the moment when their emotions are ignored.

Someone once told me that she and her husband had been married for more than a year and had recently fallen into a cold war.

The reason is that the girl feels that her husband does not care enough about her, and she will feel lonely even if the two of them are together all the time.

She tried to communicate with her husband, and the answer she got was: He was also unhappy.

Her husband agrees to show her his mobile phone, but he is also dissatisfied with it. When the two of them sleep together, it makes her husband feel unfree.

Her personality is a bit strong and her mood is unstable, while her husband’s mood is relatively stable, but she suspects that her husband is angry and just chooses to hold it in.

Because her husband said something to her: “Every time I communicate with you, I still have to listen to your thoughts in the end. Your communication is only to achieve your purpose, and it is completely meaningless to us.”

The two of them are sleeping in separate rooms now, and they talk about innocuous things.

She was considering whether they should separate, but her parents-in-law were very good to her, and her parents also liked her husband very much. She felt powerless when it was just the two of them together.

In her statement, her husband said something to her: “Every time I communicate with you, I still have to listen to your thoughts in the end. Your communication is only to achieve your purpose, and it is completely meaningless to us.”

This is called “brainwashing in the name of communication.”

What she calls “communication” is essentially a matter of persuasion, forcing the other party to adopt her own ideas.

This is no longer communication.

Communication must be two-way communication.

The most important thing in communication is to first understand the other party’s thoughts and positions, then express your feelings, discuss each other’s needs together, and then discuss how to create a way to meet everyone’s needs.

This is a basic process of communication.

But if it is just to achieve a unilateral purpose, communication does not exist.

So, why does this happen?

The reason is simple, because the other party feels like he is being manipulated in this relationship, which is something that is difficult for an adult to accept.

In addition, in the chat conversation she provided, I found an obvious flaw—there was no continuity, and the boy directly said “I made mistakes too, we all made mistakes…”.

Obviously, this sentence should be a successor to a girl’s sentence similar to “I was wrong”, or some self-reflection.

When she sent the chat history, she deleted the paragraph she sent.

In my opinion, this touches on an essential point: is it sincere?

I believe that sincerity is the most essential thing in a relationship.

So, why did this relationship end up where it is today?

From her description and the way she felt, I felt that she was not sincere about the relationship.

You know, after two people get together, their requirements for sincerity in the relationship are different from before.

But the state she presented could not meet this requirement.

In this kind of request, one important point is: don’t treat the other party like a monkey.

Don’t think that if you learn some wonderful husband-keeping skills, a method of managing men, or a strategy for manipulating the relationship between the sexes, you can handle the relationship well.

If you approach a relationship with this mentality, the relationship will eventually collapse.