Breaking the Cycle: How to Save a Relationship Stuck in a Deadlock

Lately, my cousin has been deeply troubled. It’s all because he’s once again had a falling out with his girlfriend.

This time, he said a lot of heartless things, like not wanting to be in touch anymore, never wanting to see each other again, and even that he wants to pursue new happiness. However, after saying all this, he already regretted it the next night, feeling that his words were too harsh.

In fact, my cousin and his girlfriend have been together for many years. If anyone says they have no feelings for each other, that’s obviously absurd. They seem to have a love-hate relationship, deeply in love on one hand, and constantly breaking up on the other. It’s like the story of the boy who cried wolf—every time I hear about their breakup, I no longer take it seriously.

Because I know that every breakup won’t last more than two weeks, and they’ll be back together as if nothing happened. In fact, it’s always my cousin’s fault, and every time, it’s his girlfriend who suggests the breakup, and every time, he needs to be the one to apologize first and ask for her forgiveness.

I believe this time, if my cousin apologizes to his girlfriend and says some sweet words, she will forgive him just like before, within two days. But I couldn’t help telling my cousin, can’t you two just have a proper relationship? Isn’t this back and forth exhausting?

Then I told him, even though every breakup ends with a reconciliation, it still hurts the relationship. Or after making this a habit, people will become callous, and someday it might lead to a real breakup.

My cousin deeply resonated with this point.

He told me that he’s now starting to hesitate, questioning whether he and his girlfriend are really suitable for each other, and whether it’s necessary to reconcile every time, and not knowing if they’ll have another falling out after getting back together, or if one day, they’ll break up for good.

I asked my cousin if he really loves his girlfriend. He firmly replied, “Of course, I do, beyond doubt.” I then asked him, “What are your breakups about every time?”

My cousin told me that he has a lot of bad habits, is a bit petty, can’t stand his girlfriend interacting with other men, and his temper is a bit bad. He often picks fights with his girlfriend or yells at her, unable to control his emotions. Then his girlfriend gets angry and threatens to break up.

My cousin also realizes his problems and believes he needs to change. But he still finds excuses for himself, saying that change takes time and can’t happen all at once. He also blames his girlfriend, questioning why she always threatens him with a breakup.

Listening to my cousin, I clearly see the issues between them.

It can be said that their relationship has fallen into a deadlock. Every time due to my cousin’s bad habits, his girlfriend can’t bear it, suggests a breakup, and then he seeks her forgiveness, and they reconcile. Then the cycle repeats, with constant arguments, breakups, and reconciliations.

If a relationship falls into this kind of deadlock, with both sides lacking clear understanding, or realizing their own faults but not willingly making changes, and still holding onto grievances, then this deadlock will continue.

Even if the two deeply love each other and have a strong emotional foundation, in this deadlock, what’s being consumed is their mutual affection. If this deadlock state isn’t improved, when the emotions are depleted, the inevitable outcome is not hard to imagine.

After all, even in a deeply affectionate relationship, there will come a day of weariness. When you not only see no hope in the relationship but also repeatedly go through this cycle, few people can endure it for long. Perhaps they just want to escape as soon as possible.

In fact, this deadlock is not without a solution. The way to solve it requires both parties to make changes and concessions. For example, my cousin needs to change his bad habits, such as being petty and picking fights. His girlfriend needs to address problems instead of resorting to breakup threats at every turn.

If both can make an effort to control their emotions at these crucial points, and transform confrontations and reckless actions into calm communication, they can admit to problems rationally, rather than resorting to fiery arguments and breakup threats.

I believe that by doing these things, they can break this deadlock and enter a positive cycle in their relationship. This will allow their love to regain its vitality, rather than descending into despair and reaching a point of no return.

So, don’t let love fall into a “deadlock” mode, as there will be no hope.

While love between two people is important, the way they interact is even more critical. Even if you love someone deeply, using inappropriate ways to express love can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts, making breakup a frequent topic—harmful for the relationship.

Most importantly, if you realize that your interaction with your partner has fallen into a deadlock, actively seek solutions instead of turning a blind eye. After all, love means mutual tolerance, mutual change, and mutual adaptation.

As long as there is love, a little more communication can solve any problem, right?