- Today, let’s take a look at love from a male perspective and provide marriage advice for all women. It may be a bit harsh and realistic, but it will definitely be useful in the long run.
Try not to think about marriage too early, especially for young women who have just graduated. You’re not sure of what you need, and blindly entering into marriage can lead to regret and being easily taken advantage of.
Men really like these inexperienced young girls who are both longing for love and lacking in self-defense. They show a little kindness, and you give them your heart and soul. With minimal effort, they can deceive you into marriage and having children. By the time you realize it, you’ve already spent several good years on them.
So, go build your career first. If you come from a wealthy family, you don’t need to work too hard on your career. Experience life alone for a while, and explore different places.
As you grow and achieve career stability, your emotional needs will become clearer. It’s at this point that you’ll often find a partner who is more suitable for you. Otherwise, you’ll just end up as a common sacrifice to love in the real world.
- If you want a romantic love and marriage, don’t choose a man who is too career-oriented.
A person’s energy is limited. If he’s solely focused on his career, he won’t have much energy left for you. There will be a significant difference in the way both of you perceive relationships. You may want to go on a weekend outing when the flowers are in full bloom, but he’ll be thinking about meeting clients and expanding his network over dinner on Sunday.
Furthermore, many men who are dedicated to their careers don’t really need love. They just want a “good wife” to take care of everything at home. The best scenario for them is someone who works tirelessly without complaints. You might feel that he’s not investing enough in the relationship, while he might think that you’re too much trouble. In reality, they see relationships as a part of mutual benefit. They start calculating how much help you can provide them in the future right from the moment they pursue you.
Similarly, if you don’t care much for romance, stay away from clingy young men. Their lack of security will drive you crazy sooner or later. In short, women must actively choose their partners based on their own needs.
- Don’t like someone just because they’re nice to you, or because others think they’re suitable for you. Choose someone because you need them.
The reason many women are unlucky in love is because they’ve been too passive from the start, letting others decide everything. What if you don’t know what you need? Go back and review the first point.
Marriage is realistic, and many men have certain expectations when it comes to marriage. It’s all about luck if a man marries you purely out of love. Some look at your compatibility, others consider if you’re suitable for a long-term life together, and some focus on your appearance, education, job, and whether you can bring them “face”. There are even a few who marry just for the sake of marriage, family, or a free housekeeper.
Men who are entirely devoted to you and say they’d rather be alone than not have you basically only exist in romance novels. In real life, I’ve seen maybe one out of ten men like that. Even if they have everything, they still hope that you can add something extra to their lives.
- Therefore, women should minimize the romantic elements when choosing a partner and use reality to balance reality.
Think about what you can gain from this relationship. Is it tangible benefits, inner fulfillment and happiness, superior genes that are suitable for the next generation, or the love you desire?
If you can’t get anything, just talk about love for a while, and then leave. If you want to get married but he doesn’t, you can also walk away and find someone else.
Don’t feel embarrassed or think you’re not “feminine” if you do this. “Decency,” “being sensible,” and “crazy for love” have always been shackles on women. There’s nothing wrong with being a practical and clear-headed “bad woman.” You should show your teeth when necessary, and don’t be submissive like a rabbit. Rabbits are cute, right? Well, they’re also delicious when cooked.
How can you tell if a man is a good man or a bad man?
Sorry, you can’t really tell in the early stages of a relationship. The devil is good at disguising himself, and scoundrels know how to conquer most girls. They hide their true selves during the early stages of love and create a perfect illusion for you. They only reveal their dark side once they’ve got you under their spell. This kind of story is all too common.
Focusing solely on what a man does “for love” for you is far from enough. Based on the expectations of most women for “loving me,” a man meeting your standards wouldn’t need to put in much effort.
- So, what should you look at?
A few suggestions:
(1) Check if he has basic self-control and moral values, if he can empathize with others, and whether he always thinks about himself first. There’s no need for a man who lacks inhibition, is selfish, has low morals, and lacks self-control. Even if he’s nice to you now, he’ll be excessively cruel once you’re of no use to him.
(2) See if he treats you with equality. If you’re not as good as him in some areas, he encourages your growth. If you’re better than him, he sincerely admires you. A man with a broad mind understands love better.
(3) Test his attitude towards women in his daily life. Ask him about his views on the reproductive costs of women and observe if he naturally holds any disdain or hostility towards women. Investigate his gender concepts from daily life.
Two important points must be stressed:
(1) How he views the broader spectrum of gender relationships, he will ultimately treat you the same way.
(2) Those who constantly talk about “women are inferior to men” are not just belittling “other women.” In the end, they will belittle you.
At any stage of a relationship, don’t have the mentality of “forever.”
Take love seriously when you’re in love. Don’t focus solely on “I must marry him.” If you get along, great, work on it together. If you can’t get along, it’s best to part ways amicably. Treat love as you would trying on shoes. A good fit may not necessarily be comfortable, and a comfortable fit may not necessarily be good for walking. The ultimate goal of a relationship is to find the most comfortable fit, not to endure blisters and console yourself with “the pain will pass.”
When considering marriage, seriously assess whether the other person can coexist with you. Don’t be self-absorbed, thinking, “I never thought about leaving this marriage.”
Remember, all relationships progress gradually. People who get along now may not necessarily get along after a long time. Love is a process of discovering and resolving contradictions. If the contradictions can’t be resolved, then the person needs to be.
Also, people change. Someone who’s all about you today could end up treating you like air in a few years, or even finding you annoying everywhere. The most valuable ability for women in relationships isn’t “spotting scum,” but the courage and ability to leave at any time. Just like when you enter an air-conditioned room and find it comfortable, but after a while, you realize the air conditioning has been turned off and it’s getting hotter. Do you still stay there and wait to get heatstroke?
One last point:
Men are not essential to your life. Neither is love.
In other words, if you feel comfortable being on your own, and you have the ability and confidence to support yourself, and you’re not so fixated on having a family and children, then you don’t need to worry too much about choosing a partner.
It’s great if someone loves you, but if no one does, make sure you still lead a good life.
Relying entirely on others is very dangerous.
What someone can give you, they can easily take back. You should strive to make your life comfortable with or without them, so you can confidently and fearlessly engage in relationships.
Don’t succumb to any form of coercion. Many people just want to push you into marriage, and then they don’t care about what happens afterward. They can’t care, and can’t help. You have to bear the burden alone.
If someone tells you, “You won’t find anyone better,” tell them, “If you like them, then take them.”