Let’s start with that philosophical line: “I like you because the sun was shining that day, and you happened to be wearing a white shirt that I liked.”

So, what is it that I like after all? Is it the sunshine, the white shirt, or you? If I met you on a cloudy day and you were wearing a black shirt, would I still like you? If not, then what is it that I actually like about you?

It’s clear that at the beginning of liking someone, it’s subjective and not just about the person themselves, but rather a sum of the overall feeling that a certain person in a certain situation brings to you, making you like them.

This leads to the consideration of three factors.

Firstly, there are the objective conditions of the person. For example, if the person you meet is tall, handsome, rich, and powerful, then there’s a greater chance of you liking them. Conversely, if the conditions are poor, it’s not easy for someone to be liked.

Secondly, there’s the person’s outward behavior. This has a strong subjective element. For example, if they happen to be wearing a white shirt, this has nothing to do with their conditions but still manages to create a favorable impression. Similarly, some people are very good at flirting, which creates a feeling of liking through their outward behavior.

Thirdly, there’s your own state as the person involved. If you’ve recently had a breakup, and it’s almost Valentine’s Day, and all your friends are flaunting their relationships, leaving you feeling lonely, then it’s very easy to develop feelings of liking. If you’re busy or in a new relationship, you won’t like someone else.

These three factors together determine whether you like the person or not.

For example, if the other person is extremely unattractive and yet very good at flirting, and you’re very eager to be in a relationship, you still won’t like them.

Or, if they’re extremely handsome and you’re very keen on dating, but they’re extremely rude, you won’t like them either.

Similarly, if they’re very handsome, very good at flirting, but you happen to be in a sweet relationship, you still won’t like them.

If they’re both handsome and good at flirting, and you happen to be feeling very lonely, then there’s a good chance you’ll like them.

Of course, real-life situations are not so extreme. It’s just a matter of each of these three factors having a certain weight, leading to an overall feeling. Once the feeling is in place, liking occurs. So, some people ask, “Can I attract a handsome guy or a beautiful girl if I don’t have good conditions?” Well, it’s possible. It’s just a matter of working on the second and third factors to gain some advantage within a certain range. The original intention behind what we commonly refer to as dating skills is also based on this.

Once the feeling of liking has developed, a person’s inherent psychological mechanism rationalizes their feelings and tends to view the other person with bias, making the feeling of liking stronger and eventually completely relying on the objective person. This means that as you start to like the other person more and more, you no longer care so much about the feelings they bring to you; you just want to be with them. This is also the reason why many people refuse to leave when faced with a bad partner, because at the point when the feeling of liking develops, they are not aware of it, and by the time they realize it, they are already being controlled by the feeling of liking.

I often ask people a question: What is it that you really like about them? Many people actually can’t answer this and come up with a few ambiguous advantages, and then say it’s just a feeling. Indeed, it’s not easy to answer this question, because at the beginning of liking someone, apart from the first point, the other two points are very difficult to describe. You can’t just say that you were feeling too lonely at that time, or that they were very good at picking up girls.

So, liking is something that is difficult to measure in a rational way. Some guys often complain that their goddess has found a boyfriend who is not as good as them in terms of conditions. In fact, they have no reason to complain, because at least that guy brings a better overall feeling to the girl, even if this feeling may not be rational.

These days, I’ve been thinking about a question. Suppose one guy has $500,000, buys a good car, and spends the rest of the money on dressing up and enjoying life. Another guy has $1.5 million, plans to save another $500,000 to buy a house in full, and generally leads a frugal life. From a rational perspective, the second guy is definitely more suitable for dating and for living together, but in reality, girls are often attracted to the first guy because he brings a better overall feeling. The exchange works the same way for men and women. Nowadays, there are many girls in social circles who are always traveling, taking photos, and creating a goddess-like image, and they have many guys worshiping them, while those who are genuinely low-key, virtuous, and have a regular lifestyle tend to be ignored. This irrational game leads to the bad driving out the good, forcing many men to learn pickup artistry and women to become social climbers.

So, in my opinion, liking is not really such a sacred thing. Many people often talk about liking and love, and they get all worked up, but ultimately, liking is just a feeling, based on an initial good impression, and most of the time, it’s just adding drama to your life. Liking someone often isn’t because they are so outstanding or because the two of you are so suitable; it’s just getting stuck and not being able to get out.

In my understanding, there is a fundamental difference between liking and love. Liking is just an instinctive reaction based on hormones, with strong but short-lived irrationality. Love, on the other hand, is a rational choice that is precipitated over time, a mutual understanding after going through experiences together, accepting each other, and becoming a part of each other’s lives.

Many people’s problems in relationships actually stem from this: they consider liking too sacred and love too simple.