What do guys really want their girlfriends to know?

1. Men really fall for when women know how to be firm yet gentle.

Actually, men are pretty easy to coax! As long as you’re a little sweet with your words, men will readily do what you want happily. Just listen to these lines:

“I’m landing at 7 pm tonight, you have to come pick me up. Haven’t seen you in so long, you’re the first person I want to see.”

“Honey, bring me a milk tea when you come back. I just love the ones you buy, yours are the sweetest.”

“Your baby is exhausted right now, can only think about the braised pork ribs you make. I’m craving it so much, what should I do?”

Compared to directly telling him—come get me, make me dinner, you must buy me milk tea—wouldn’t he be more willing to eagerly do these things for you this way?

So you see, I’m always saying, men don’t actually need women to really sacrifice for them, just be a little sweeter with your words, and be happy together.

Men don’t accept commanding demands. Gentle expression is their weakness.

2. Inside every man lives a little boy.

From a young age, men are probably taught—be a man, real men don’t cry easily, a little stress is nothing for a real man, men have to be strong. And when men were still young boys, they may truly have never received that kind of affection at home, never felt what it was like to be doted on. No one ever said to them—“Oh you’re so good! Wow you’re amazing, so awesome!” They may really have never heard such words.

Then when they enter into relationships, if they encounter girls who only take from them, get negative and fight over little things, constantly blame him for not giving enough, demand that he comfort and indulge them unconditionally, want more care and consideration from him, want him to give to them, etc…

Suddenly one day he meets a girl who occasionally babies him like a child, doting on him and pampering him—this is an unparalleled emotional experience.

So as long as a girl understands this psychological weakness in men that “Inside every man lives a little boy”, then she can basically smoothly resolve all kinds of minor conflicts in the relationship with a relaxed attitude.

Because when you’re with a guy, occasionally treating him like an ungrown little boy, your words and actions will reveal your affection and love for him.

And you should know, if a man has never gotten this kind of ultimate doting and gentleness before, whether missing from his childhood family or past relationships, then you’ve given him an unparalleled, irreplaceable emotional experience.

3. For a mature man, love can never be everything.

They rationally allocate percentages of their energy: 10% maintaining friendships, 20% spending time with parents, 30% on their career, and the last 40% they will give to you.

Some girls always feel that the guy doesn’t love them enough, why? Because men’s rational thinking means they won’t invest all their energy into love. That 40% really is all of his true feelings that he can give you.

Think about it—if a man truly spent all his time and energy on you like in the honeymoon phase for decades, then what would happen to his other capabilities? His work, career, social life would all decline. He might end up as someone you look down on for being useless. Is that what you want?

Even if he gave you 100% of his time, he still wouldn’t be able to give you hope for the future!

4. Emotional stability is a woman’s greatest attractiveness to men.

This is much more important than being good at flirting, having many talents, or being very pretty.

You should know, it’s not that men don’t like a woman’s emotionality. On the contrary, men like it—this personality itself is the most attractive part of romance. But it must be combined with emotional stability.

For example, you’ve been craving a certain milk tea for days. Your boyfriend promised to buy it for you but forgot. This in itself is only a “2–3 level error”. If you want to make a small fuss, you can only “punish” him to a 2–3 level.

For instance, make him apologize and say some sweet words to comfort you. Also he has to make it up by buying you that milk tea the next day, plus some fruit jelly as interest. If you’re still not satisfied, he can make it up on the weekend by taking you out for a nice meal.

For a 2–3 level mistake, this is completely sufficient.

But if you’re emotionally unstable, and blow up at him over this minor issue, turning it into a huge fight about him not keeping his word, not loving you, not caring about you—that’s going overboard.

So if you’re 3% angry, only give him 3% emotion back. You can’t let a small conflict make your boyfriend unable to coax you back.

Most girls entering long-term relationships have a lot of negativity—play acting, suspicion, sensitivity, temper, etc. But emotionally stable girls can generate positive emotional nutrients. She radiates a positive, optimistic energy that gives men a strong sense of relaxation and comfort. Men will like spending more and more time with a girl like this.

5. Men actually like it when their girlfriend clings to them.

What men dislike isn’t when a girl clings to him or relies on him, but rather when some girls get stuck in excessive dependence where they can’t be responsible for themselves.

In relationships, I call girls who overly rely on men “emotional parasites”. They place all their joy, anger, sorrow and happiness in the man, and can’t be responsible for themselves.

I believe that in dating, some girls like to constantly ask “Do you still love me?” Asking once isn’t enough, they have to ask a second, third, fourth time… Because as soon as these girls start dating they get anxious, and hand responsibility for their emotions over to the man to “hold”.

This behavior is just like a “parasite”—I just keep sucking emotional nutrients from you. If one day the man also feels depleted, lacking emotional nutrients himself, but you still keep drawing emotional nutrients from him to feed yourself, the end result may be the man finally cannot stand it and initiates a break up.

Parasitism will always drain love, only symbiosis can allow the sapling of love to grow into a big tree.

Girls who understand symbiosis can generate their own emotional nutrients. Girls like this radiate an independent, beautiful and interesting vibe. Even if she’s not a great beauty, men will still be deeply attracted by the charm she gives off.

The man will also unconsciously become infected by you: “This girl has such an exciting life. Such an independent, outstanding girl—I better not let any hooligans chase her away!”

When you chase him asking for emotional nutrients, he will run away. But when you can generate some nutrients yourself, he’ll come bouncing back to you.

People all gravitate towards gain and avoid harm.

6. Men instinctively need some alone time in long-term relationships.

After entering the boredom phase, men shift into a very interesting emotional mode—the “rubber band mode”.

You’ll discover he can talk to you on the phone until 1 or 2 AM when he’s clingy. But when he’s not clingy, he may not contact you all afternoon. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your love, or that it’s your fault. It’s just the rubber band pattern of men’s emotions at work.

Let me explain with a simple metaphor. In the passionate honeymoon period, a man’s love for a woman is like a rubber band stretched to its maximum, full of passion and desire. To gain your affection, they’ll do everything possible to please and flatter you. When his actions win your approval, and you also deeply love him, you enter a state of inseparability. The man’s need for intimacy is also completely fulfilled.

Now imagine, what has happened to the rubber band at this point?

It becomes soft and limp, lacking elasticity and strength. Its ability to stretch is also weakening. After a man falls in love and obtains enough intimacy and satisfaction, he will slacken like this rubber band. He won’t have that extreme thirst for love anymore. What emerges next is a new need—missing alone time, craving freedom.

But when his distance reaches a maximum, he will strongly thirst for the woman’s love and warmth again. Then he’ll bounce back, clinging to you again.

It’s like stretching a rubber band within its elastic range—pull it to a certain length and it will instantly snap back.

Isn’t it cheap? But this is how men’s minds work.

So the best way is to understand this cycle of his, not overthink things. When he becomes a little distant, use that time to improve yourself. Adopt a hot and cold strategy towards him, seizing on the opportunity of this dull phase to increase your psychological advantage. When he starts clinging again, surprise him. Over time, he won’t shorten his cycles of coldness.

I’ve systematically covered how to use the “hot and cold” strategy during the boredom phase to preserve love, in my Cherish Love Class for making men love you more and more. Remember to go back and listen, darlings!

In any case, I still hope you can place more time and energy on self-improvement. Besides happily dating, also focus on becoming more beautiful and sexy, and being more successful in your career—these are proper pursuits.

7. Sometimes you really can’t solve a man’s troubles.

There’s one truth that many women may have trouble accepting. Often, men really don’t need you to try “helping” them in areas you aren’t skilled in yourself.

In dealing with these kinds of problems, women tend to be more emotional. They feel that they have “good intentions” racking their brains to give advice to the man, or expressing concern for him. They think the man will appreciate their kindness and need them more, like them more.

But men are very practical in this situation. In their eyes, only if your help is truly “effective” and “useful” to him will it make him feel your value.

If what you provide is useless help, they won’t really feel moved or grateful, but rather a little bothered. Yet they can’t outright say “What you’re saying is of no help to me” in front of you. So they can only silently listen, continuing to fret about their original problem, while also having to appease you with some perfunctory words, taking care of your feelings…

So they feel even more tired and unhappy.

Don’t think these guys are ungrateful. If you switch perspectives you’ll understand. If you were shopping for a handbag, and a clueless straight man insisted on putting in his opinion—saying this color is too bright, that style is tacky. He even confidently recommends bags he thinks are stylish but you find hideous.

Would you be touched? Or annoyed to death by him?

So you see, unless you truly understand the area he’s troubled by and can provide effective advice, there’s no need to try to “solve” his problems in an effort to make him need you more or get closer to you.

If your goal is to use this chance to make him need you more, get closer to you, you can already see he won’t appreciate your kindness at this time. On the contrary, he’ll be very impatiently humoring you.

This is definitely not what you want.

In a relationship, neither person can guarantee smooth sailing in life for themselves or their partner. But at least you can be there accompanying and embracing him when ups and downs and difficulties arrive in his life. Face them together.

This is already extremely touching for a man.