We have been together for more than ten years, and it was only recently that I discovered something was wrong with him. He couldn’t sleep at night, and he began to pay attention to his own image. In the past, he would go out as soon as he put on his clothes, but now, he cares about his clothes and appearance.

He also started to find faults with me, saying that my clothes didn’t look good and that I didn’t cook well. In short, it was all a bunch of bad things.

He had an affair with a little girl in the office. Like a man and a woman in love, they liked each other very much. When they went shopping, I even discovered their shopping receipts. I later had a showdown with him with my shopping receipt, and he explained that he knew what he was doing was wrong and that he loved her but couldn’t get it, but there was no way he could let himself go.

That little girl was a single mother. It was clear why she was looking for him. She was looking for a man to help her raise her children. After all, she was working very hard. Instead of embarrassing the little girl, I had a direct showdown with him.

I said that we should divorce by agreement, and we need to discuss how to make our child grow up healthily. I cried and said to him: “Do you think I will force you to be with me? I won’t. It’s just that I’m afraid that our affairs will hurt the children. Let’s not make it too ugly. There is no need. As long as we have discussed it properly , it’s easy to get together and relax.”

I told all my grievances, but he hugged me and said: Actually, I have never thought about divorce.

“Give me a chance. I know very well that I can’t go far with her, but at that time I was obsessed with her. I really wanted to fall in love with her. I like the feeling of being in love very much, so I have always been conflicted. And guilty, during this time, I was as restless as a thief. Don’t get divorced, give me a chance, and we will have a good relationship. The relationship with her was just me wanting to have an affair, and I will still come back. ”

When I heard him say this, I was at a loss.

I thought about it, should I get divorced? But if I really get divorced, I won’t be good at anything else, and I may not be able to live as good a life as I do now. After the divorce, I have to rely on myself for everything, so I will definitely have a harder time. If I get divorced, the difficulties I face now may not really change.

After thinking about it, I don’t plan to get divorced. I don’t think it is necessary.

I’m afraid of divorce, and I’m even more afraid that I won’t be able to get married again. I’m not that capable. If I get divorced, my life may be miserable. In the final analysis, I still can’t let it go, so I just let it go and can only choose to forgive him.

What else could I do?

When faced with extramarital affairs, should we choose to forgive?

What I have always warned women is: It depends on whether you can bear the consequences of forgiveness. If you don’t care about him that much, forgiving him won’t cause you any harm. You can still focus on yourself, then choose Forgiveness may not be a bad option.

But if you are the kind of person who has very pure demands for feelings, and if you forgive him and your heart breaks, and you keep torturing yourself, then you have to choose divorce no matter what.

Don’t force yourself to choose to forgive. I hope that women who forgive extramarital affairs can take their feelings lightly and take themselves more seriously. As for men, you can just treat him as a tool. The two of them live together, and if they really can leave him one day, it won’t be too late to get a divorce. No matter what, you must choose to start from the perspective of your own good, do not harm your own interests, let alone turn yourself into a self-pitying woman because of other people’s faults.

In real society, most of the people who “forgive cheating” are women.

When men encounter cheating, most of them will leave at any time, because they do not carry a uterus, and do not have the burden and pressure of having children. Many men contribute only money to their families at most. But a woman is different. She may have given all her efforts, so when she encounters betrayal, the first thing that comes to her mind may be forgiveness. What’s more, there is nothing we can do for our children.

I really feel sorry for these women. They are obviously victims, but because they made the decision to “forgive”, they are even ridiculed by others. The reason for forgiving may be due to unspeakable difficulties. After all, everyone wants to be free and easy, but the problem is that sometimes it is not that easy.

I once wrote a story about a reader who also chose to forgive her husband for his extramarital affair. She said:

“Why would you choose to forgive?

On the one hand, I consider my two children and cannot bear to have them living in a broken family. Besides, they both had very heavy studies at that time. On the other hand, I don’t want the elderly on both sides to worry about it. We have been married for so many years and our parents are also very old. Older; in the end, it’s because I won’t fall in love with anyone else. So what if I get divorced? After thinking a lot about finding someone to remarry or living alone, I think it would be better for the two of us to live together.

In fact, there is another key factor in why I forgive him: I have been in charge of my husband’s income since we got married, and there was no major in/out during his affair. After he found out about his affair, he cut off contact with the woman and then basically… I go home right after get off work, and I rush to do the housework. I am doubly kind to my parents, younger siblings, and I never stay out overnight except for business trips.

Because he realized his mistake and was working hard to return to his family, I smoothly pushed the boat and chose to forgive. “

She also said: “After living to this age, I have also figured out: For my son and daughter, it is most suitable for me to live with him, because we are a real family. My husband has cheated on me. The marriage has flaws, but the other person is pretty good and can be relied upon in his later years. The young couple has been together for so many years, how can they really let go?”

In the end, it still depends on your own choice. Can you let go?

…

Don’t take emotional matters too seriously, and don’t take betrayal too seriously. You must know that you are always the most important. Realizing this, how to face your partner’s cheating, you will choose a path that is beneficial to you. If you want to live a good life for yourself, don’t make things difficult for yourself.

As long as you realize this sentence, even if you choose to forgive, you can make yourself relatively comfortable.

Never force yourself to forgive. If forgiving your partner causes you more pain and makes you unhappy, I hope you will let yourself go. Don’t be stupid like before. Stop thinking about relying on men and believing in love. Rely on yourself. When you become strong one day, anyone can live without you. You should be good and sober and do a good job for yourself. s Choice.

I hope that women who are hurt in unhappy marriages can be happy instead of punishing themselves for the faults of others.

It doesn’t matter whether you forgive or not, the key is to let yourself live a good life; if you choose to forgive the pain in your life, it is better to let yourself go.

I hope that women who have been hurt in their relationships can think openly, stop torturing themselves for the faults of others, and try to make themselves as comfortable as possible.