Every woman dreams of the day she will wear a wedding dress, walking down the aisle with her beloved amidst the solemn wedding march, receiving blessings from everyone.
A wedding is the most glorious and happiest moment in a woman’s life. It marks a shift in identity, from being someone’s daughter to someone’s wife and daughter-in-law.
Some even liken marriage to a woman’s second life, believing that only by marrying the right person can one have a good life.
However, not all marriages are blissful, and not every woman is treated gently on her wedding day.
Life requires experiences to truly understand what is best for oneself.
Lisa and Craig had been in a relationship for over two years. However, Craig’s mother never quite approved of Lisa because her family was from a rural area and relatively less well-off.
Despite Craig’s family being of modest means, some impressions are hard to change once formed. Nevertheless, Craig insisted on marrying Lisa, and his family reluctantly agreed.
Lisa, straightforward by nature, thought her mother-in-law’s approval meant acceptance of her status. With Craig being the only child in the family, Lisa decided to treat her mother-in-law like her own mother after marriage.
However, conflicts arose between the two families during the wedding preparations. In Lisa’s village, the dowry for a bride was usually around $10,000 to avoid being looked down upon.
When Lisa mentioned this to Craig, he nonchalantly replied, “Don’t worry, my mom has it covered!” Lisa didn’t think much of it until a few days before the wedding when his mother handed her a $30,000 card, leaving her stunned.
But the mother-in-law disdainfully remarked, “Only people from your rural background would sell their daughters.” Lisa hoped Craig would intervene, but he signaled for her to accept it quickly.
The dowry issue displeased Lisa’s parents. However, due to the mother-in-law’s attitude towards her, Lisa managed to persuade her parents to avoid further conflicts, as the invitations had already been sent out, and the wedding was approaching.
Despite the awkward situation with her family, Lisa never expected the wedding day to completely enrage her.
On the morning of the wedding, Craig arrived energetically to fetch the bride, but he had not prepared the customary red envelope. When asked by Lisa, he cluelessly replied, “I don’t know,” as his mother had not arranged it.
Helpless, Lisa gave Craig the red envelope prepared by her family for emergencies, asking him to call home to prepare another one. She wasn’t sure what they discussed, but she didn’t see Craig distributing red envelopes later on.
Feeling uncomfortable, Lisa suppressed her anger for the sake of the joyous occasion.
The wedding proceeded as usual, with guests in high spirits.
During the tea-serving ritual where the daughter-in-law serves tea to the mother-in-law and receives blessings, the mother-in-law unexpectedly took out a paper from her pocket with densely written words. Lisa knelt down, but the mother-in-law calmly began to recite.
She said, “After marriage, you should respect the elderly, defer to their opinions, and prioritize them in all matters. As a daughter-in-law in our family, you should understand the Three Obediences and Four Virtues…”
Lisa never imagined the mother-in-law would still dislike her or act without tact at the wedding. She thought Craig would stop his mother’s behavior, but to her surprise, he kept nodding in agreement. Lisa’s anger reached its peak.
The mother-in-law’s outdated and disrespectful behavior at the wedding was unacceptable. Lisa stood up, tore off her veil, threw it on the ground, and declared in front of everyone, “I’m calling off this wedding. Does your family have a throne and inheritance? I’m not interested.”
Seeing Lisa upset, Craig hurriedly tried to calm her, saying, “It’s just a wedding ceremony, why take it so seriously?”
Looking at the face of the man who was about to become her husband, Lisa suddenly felt like a stranger. She had noticed Craig’s somewhat chauvinistic tendencies before but had overlooked them.
She wasn’t an unreasonable woman and never expected her husband to prioritize her in everything after marriage. She simply wanted a man who would stand by her side and work hard to live a good life together.
But before she could even raise the question of “If your mother and I fell into the water, who would you save first?” Craig had already sided with his mother.
If the mother-in-law had been reasonable, it would have been better. But now, she was clearly making a scene at every stage, from the dowry before the wedding to the red envelopes and the tea ceremony.
Realizing this, Lisa calmed down and decided it was better to cut ties early rather than face chaos after marriage.
Before stepping into marriage, the in-laws were already creating problems for her. It was better to clear things up sooner rather than later.
The wedding ended in a farce. Some said, “Why bother, you’ve already stepped into marriage, these are just minor issues, close one eye and let it pass.”
But marriage is not just about the wedding day; it’s about a lifetime together. If you knowingly enter a potentially unhappy marriage, it’s like knowingly jumping into a pit of fire.
In addition to love, mutual respect and equality are essential for a successful marriage.
The Three Obediences and Four Virtues stem from a time when women had no status and relied on their in-laws and husbands to survive, showing a lack of respect for women.
In today’s society, men and women are equal, and women have their own income, contributing equally to society.
However, some people still hold onto feudal ideas, not respecting women and expecting them to serve their husbands and in-laws.
Facing such unfair treatment, if you still close your eyes and get married, you might be burdened for a lifetime.
Marriage is not a game; it determines the kind of life you will have with your partner. If you realize your values don’t align from the start, it’s better to cut your losses than endure a lifetime of unhappiness.
Those who cling to outdated thoughts may find someone willing to live with them, but whether they can find happiness depends on luck.
In today’s era, women have already shouldered half the sky. If getting married means obeying the in-laws and husband in everything without having your own thoughts, it’s better to be alone than to compromise.
Marriage belongs to two people, and a family belongs to both. While elders can offer advice, ultimately, it’s up to the couple to live their lives together.
For a successful marriage, mutual respect, trust, and support are essential. Without these, love alone is in vain.
The marriage bed is meant for two. For a successful marriage, both parties must leave their families behind.
In marriage, both partners must respect each other, placing each other on equal footing for the marriage to succeed.
You have your thoughts and ways, I have mine. We can explore mutually agreeable ways together, but we shouldn’t force our views on each other.
What are your thoughts on this?