It’s Inadvisable to Block or Delete During Quarrels, the Consequences are Definitely a Lose-Lose Situation, It’s a Time Bomb in Relationships

These days I’ve been thinking about the issue of blocking and deleting between couples, including all communication methods such as online videos, emails, phone calls, and I even heard for the first time that social platforms like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram also have similar blocking features.

Everything has two sides. While these various communication methods facilitate staying in touch, they also provide a destructive weapon during quarrels—blocking and deleting. I don’t know how many bittersweet stories of love have ended in separation due to this.

The frequency of netizens mentioning this matter is increasing, and a quick search online shows that there are many discussions in various communities about this topic. After a general look, I’ve organized my thoughts and decided to share them here, maybe it will be enlightening for others.

First, let me present my personal view on this matter:

Blocking or deleting during quarrels is inadvisable. This childish way of venting anger definitely leads to a lose-lose situation and is a time bomb in relationships.

Regardless of the cause of the conflict, this one-sided interruption of communication is not a proactive way to solve problems. This attitude only worsens an already tense relationship. Unresolved issues resurface, and trivial matters may escalate into personal attacks, causing harm to each other, ultimately leading to a breakup.

Do you have the right to silence the other person? Even governing a country or a company requires respecting the freedom of expression of dissenters!

Even if one party is at fault, using blocking as a punishment is clearly excessive. It’s like sentencing a thief to death. What was originally intended as just punishment results in committing a greater offense. They only stole something; do you have the right to take their life?

Even if the conflict becomes unbearable, at worst, you can just go back to being as distant as two parallel lines. If you need to break up, there should still be an explanation. After all, both are adults, having loved each other, why can’t they part amicably?

I believe that there’s no problem between people that can’t be solved through good communication. Even arguing with each other is a form of communication. Those with experience know that, if handled well, arguing is not only not a bad thing, but it can also deepen understanding and emotions.

However, this unilateral and domineering behavior of blocking differs from arguing. Even if things reconcile, the shadow in the heart of the blocked party won’t disappear. Each time they are blocked, their trust and investment in this relationship will recede, until one day they start questioning themselves: Is it necessary to continue in a relationship where I am not respected by my partner?

Gender Differences in Blocking?

When searching for the keywords “quarrel and block” online, the majority of the results are about being blocked by a girlfriend, while being blocked by a boyfriend is a minority. It can be seen that women are more prone to the habit of blocking during quarrels compared to men.

This is not surprising. Generally, women are inherently more emotional, temperamental, and possessive, and are more concerned and reliant on the emotional value provided by love, so they are more likely to express themselves through irrational and extreme behavior.

Interestingly, when it comes to being blocked, there’s a significant difference in the public’s interpretation and attitude towards both men and women.

If it’s the girlfriend who blocks her boyfriend, most netizens are understanding, considering it as an immature, childish behavior, a sign of being a drama queen, simply seeking attention, and wanting to test if her boyfriend cares about her. Ultimately, it is to feel more secure, and at its core, it’s still about love.

Of course, while understanding, netizens also advise women to stop at an appropriate time. Once or twice is fine, but doing it frequently will test anyone’s patience.

(On a side note, I like to use genetics to interpret relationship problems between the sexes: Speaking of women’s desire for security in relationships, it can also be explained by genetics. It can be said that it’s an innate instinct. Females have to bear more reproductive burden, and to ensure the offspring grow in the most suitable conditions and care, the partner’s loyalty becomes crucial.)

Conversely, if it’s the boyfriend blocking his girlfriend, the majority of netizens advise the woman to break up.

People tend to interpret a man blocking a woman more seriously, elevating it to a question of love or not, and may even consider it as an act of trampling on a woman’s self-esteem. When men and women clash, it inevitably raises suspicions of the strong bullying the weak, especially when it involves an intimate relationship. Therefore, someone who can treat a woman this way is likely to not love or love inadequately.

I unintentionally came across a title online: “If your boyfriend blocks you when angry, please decisively stay away.” It’s evident that the author doesn’t tolerate men blocking women. However, I believe this conclusion is too absolute. After all, each specific case in a relationship is different and needs to be analyzed individually.

Why do people treat quarrel-induced blocks differently for men and women? Isn’t it about gender equality?

I’ve always believed that demanding absolute gender equality in itself is unequal. Men and women, from physiology to psychology, have obvious differences from birth, so how can there be equality? Should women be as focused in the workplace as men? Can men share the burden of childbirth? Should men invest and rely on love in the same way as women in romantic relationships? Would you still love a man who neglects work and only revolves around you?

Recognizing and acknowledging the differences between the sexes, and allowing each gender to do what they are naturally inclined to, is true equality. Just like the act of blocking, when a man blocks a woman and when a woman blocks a man, in most cases, indeed have different consequences and meanings.

The Austrian author Stefan Zweig, known as the male writer who understands women the most, wrote in his book “Letter from an Unknown Woman”:

“A woman rejecting a man’s pursuit is a natural privilege, even if she rejects the most fervent love, it won’t be considered cruel. However, if fate disrupts this, and a woman breaks her shyness and offers her love to a man without assurance, and he responds with indifference and rejection, the outcome is unimaginable. A man rejecting a woman’s pursuit is equivalent to damaging her highest self-esteem.”

Although Zweig’s words primarily address the inequality in pursuit between men and women, the focus of the issue, similar to the act of blocking, is on “a woman’s highest self-esteem.” Without the need for profound theories, Zweig simply truthfully summarized an objective phenomenon.

It must be admitted that if a woman blocks a man, and the man chooses to be understanding, it would be seen as a sign of maturity and magnanimity.

Conversely, if a man blocks a woman, and the woman chooses to be understanding, even just three times, it is enough to shake a woman’s noble self-esteem, resulting in the man increasingly looking down on her and even devaluing her, making it difficult for a woman with self-respect to face herself.

Ask yourself, with a wounded heart and bleeding, how far can you go in love? What’s the point of a love that has lost its self?

In fact, those who block others also suffer and feel hurt. Perhaps from a psychological perspective, analyzing this can help us understand a bit more. Perhaps they are also innocent victims, in need of help and encouragement from their partner for their growth.

People’s styles in intimate relationships can generally be divided into four types. Among them, those with an avoidant style tend to evade conflicts through blocking. This may be determined by innate temperament or influenced by past setbacks or environment.

Resisting excessive intimacy and valuing independence and freedom more than intimate relationships, you are likely to belong to the avoidant attachment style.

Those with an avoidant attachment style in romantic relationships often show the following characteristics, although in reality, not all behaviors are typical, and there’s a premise that they treat the relationship seriously subjectively. Deceptive and scummy behaviors are not within the scope of this discussion.

1. Emphasizing independence and personal space, excessive intimacy makes them uncomfortable or even fearful. Therefore, they are enthusiastic in the initial stages of a relationship, but once it’s time to commit, they hesitate, withdraw, and avoid commitment. They mostly enjoy the initial ambiguity, and even in an exclusive intimate relationship, they often engage in behavior that displeases their partner.

2. They find it difficult to fully invest, and when they lose, they appear numb. After establishing a romantic relationship, they are unwilling to share their feelings and ignore their partner’s emotional needs. When they have intimate needs, they express them, but after they are satisfied, they will be averse to the intimate relationship, giving off an ambivalent and hot-and-cold impression.

3. When faced with conflicts and arguments, they tend to avoid or explosively refuse to communicate, unwilling to actively resolve issues.

4. They tend to belittle their current partner and idealize their ex-partner. Magnifying the current partner’s shortcomings and downplaying the ex-partner’s faults is one way to internally diminish intimacy. This can make the current partner increasingly feel inferior.

If the avoidant style is paired with a secure style, the situation will be somewhat better. However, in reality, the avoidant and anxious attachment styles tend to attract each other. Due to their different needs for intimacy, conflicts continually arise. Eventually, the anxious type becomes more anxious, and the avoidant type becomes more avoidant.

Introducing this psychological theory, I hope to face problems in relationships, using both empathy and rational thinking to objectively analyze the root causes from a psychological perspective. It’s vital to guide oneself psychologically, minimize damage to self-confidence and self-esteem, and avoid falling into the vicious cycle of emotional retaliation, to face the obstacles on the path of love with a positive mindset.

The two different species of men and women, when they come close in an intimate relationship, clashes are inevitable. No one can escape it. Therefore, as long as there’s love, it’s best to face it openly.

Tears shed should not be in vain, and the pain endured should not be for nothing. It’s essential to ensure personal growth!