He has long forgotten about this relationship, so why can’t you move on?

If he can let go of this relationship, why can’t you?

He has already let you down. You shouldn’t punish yourself with the mistakes he made!

That’s how Claire felt after discovering her husband’s infidelity. She became gloomy, her life fell apart, and she couldn’t overcome the pain.

01 Here’s what happened:

Claire, 32 years old, graduated from a teaching college, and used to be a teacher at a high school. Her husband, 37 years old, started a company two years ago with funds and connections he had.

Initially, Claire was happy to see her husband so motivated and fully supported him in developing his career.

At first, her mother-in-law helped take care of the children and household chores, but when her mother-in-law fell ill, she couldn’t help with the children anymore.

This meant that Claire had to take care of everything at home, and she had almost no time for herself every day.

Later, her husband asked her not to work, saying his company was stabilizing and generating a steady cash flow, so he didn’t want her to work so hard.

After her husband’s repeated persuasion, Claire thought that being a full-time housewife was the best choice in order to better support his career and take care of the children.

So, Claire became a full-time housewife.

Since Claire didn’t go out often, she rarely dressed up. Every day, she prepared breakfast for her children and husband, saw them off, did household chores, went to the market or supermarket to buy groceries, occasionally browsed recipes online, or chatted with a few close friends on the phone.

Gradually, Claire got used to this life.

Once, her husband took her to a banquet. She saw women similar to herself, talking elegantly and freely with her husband. She felt inferior and out of place, made an excuse and left the event early. Since then, she never attended such gatherings with her husband again.

One day, when Claire went to the company to find her husband, she saw her husband having an intimate conversation with his female secretary. The secretary’s expression was subtle, a mix of shyness and admiration.

She couldn’t accept the truth.

After questioning her husband, he admitted to having an affair with the secretary.

Claire felt like her world collapsed, tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t believe that her husband really betrayed her.

Feeling more and more angry, Claire unintentionally clenched her fists and hit her husband. He didn’t fight back and told her, “I won’t let you down. You are still my wife. I will give you living expenses on time. I don’t want to give her up either. If you disturb her, then we’ll get divorced.”

After hearing this, Claire stopped the verbal abuse, feeling chills all over her body. This man seemed to be someone she no longer recognized.

Claire didn’t respond to her husband; it seemed that any response would be meaningless. She kept having these thoughts: sharing a husband with another woman, how could she do it? Which woman could be so generous? Her former lover, once said he loved her, but now he didn’t…

Claire didn’t know what to do.

After years of being a full-time housewife, she had been focusing on her family and hadn’t improved herself. She didn’t know what she was capable of.

So, a real problem lay before her: she didn’t have the ability to leave her husband, and she also didn’t have the ability to take care of her children.

Thinking of the intimate behavior between her husband and the other woman, Claire’s heart ached like a knife.

During that time, she was very negative, full of negative emotions, constantly complaining to her close friends about her experiences. At first, her friends comforted her, but then they started scolding her, hoping to wake her up.

When Claire came to me, this had already been going on for over half a year. She said: “I don’t dare to confide in my friends anymore. But I am really in pain and don’t know how to move on from this pain.”

02 Yes! Being betrayed by the most trusted person will cause anyone to suffer like Claire.

At first, when Claire talked to her friends about her experience, they would comfort her. But over time, her friends didn’t seem willing to listen to Claire anymore.

It’s not wrong to find someone to talk to, but we can’t keep doing this.

If we keep seeking external sources for energy to heal our inner wounds, it will only serve as a temporary solution and not address the root cause.

Furthermore, once we become accustomed to and dependent on the comfort of others, it’s easy to fall into a state of addiction, greatly diminishing our sense of value.

By immersing ourselves in this painful emotion, we won’t accomplish anything, and we won’t do anything well, will we?

You could have fought for more for yourself, but by immersing yourself in pain, your spouse has already transferred assets and initiated a divorce. What will you do then?

So, pull yourself together, gather evidence, prevent asset transfer, find a job. These actions will be more helpful to you than immersing yourself in pain.

03 But the hardest part is breaking free from the pain. How can we break free?

Psychologists suggest a method called “scheduled grieving” to quickly overcome the swamp of pain.

What is “scheduled grieving”?

There are mainly two forms:

First, choose a time or several times each day to engage in “mourning therapy.”

For example, right after waking up in the morning, or after getting off work in the afternoon, or at night, choose a time and place according to your situation, without affecting colleagues, friends, or other relatives.

During this time, we can cry freely, curse, or deliberately exaggerate facts and imagine scenarios that make us sad.

Of course, it’s not suitable if a spouse is present too often, because if the other party gets annoyed, things could get out of control.

During the period outside of this time, we must remind ourselves: Focus on our work, because busying ourselves is also a way to manage the pain.

In addition, during “scheduled grieving,” we must make it clear to ourselves that we are venting our emotions. The facts are as they are, so what choices should we make and we must firmly believe that we are qualified and capable of having a better future.

In other words, we must be clear that we are in pain, we know it, and we allow ourselves to be in pain for a short time.

Second, give pain a deadline.

For example, every woman has several days each month when she inexplicably feels melancholic, generally before her period.

When emotions are out of control, we are acutely aware of it and can tell ourselves: I know I’m about to get my period, so I’ll give myself three days to be sensitive and sad.

The trauma caused by an affair is much greater than this. We can give ourselves a “scheduled grieving” period, for example, 1–3 months.

We must tell ourselves: You can be sad for another two months, but after that, you must let go.

Then we can mourn at a scheduled time every day, and gradually, the intervals between these periods of “scheduled grieving” will increase.

When the designated period is up, the pain will greatly diminish.

At the same time, this period is also a process of accepting the truth and resolving issues.

“Scheduled grieving” won’t let the pain caused by our spouse affect our work. Paying attention to and guiding our own emotions is also a concrete way of caring for ourselves. It can help us understand ourselves, elevate our sense of value, and enhance our self-control and psychological resilience. This is a powerful method for improving emotional intelligence and self-confidence.

In addition to this, exercise, hiking, keeping the room clean, maintaining a regular life, cultivating our own interests, seeking professional psychological counseling, and other methods are all effective ways to treat the pain of infidelity.

Sisters, I know you’re in pain.

But the fact has already happened, so accept it!

Looking forward to a better future is better than immersing yourself in past pain.

After all, you have many years ahead of you. Isn’t that enough time to start over?

He has chosen his path. Where is yours?

Your life is wonderful because of you.