Both are love, but different kinds of love.

Conditional love means that my love goes and comes back.

Because I gave you love, I have the capital to make demands on you. How I treat you and how you treat me are two related events.

For example, because I give you delicious food and drinks, you have to be obedient. Because I give you care and attention, you have to give me attention and recognition. Because I work for you, you have to pay me. Because I often praise you, you must also praise me. Because I am married to you, you must treat me well.—— This is a causal relationship.

Every penny I give has a price.

Some of them I marked openly and clearly, clearly marking the price, giving them goods with one hand and love with the other. Some of them are secretly marked by me. I give you love, but I don’t tell you what I want. But if you don’t give me what I want, I will get angry and show it to you. Blaming you is not a thing.

Conditional love is also love. After all, this is also an act that can benefit the other party.

Unconditional love means that my love will never come back.

I give you love willingly, without you doing anything to me. How I treat you and how you treat me are two independent and unrelated events.

In fact, unconditional love is not profound or distant. It is everywhere in our lives.

For example, when a mother sees her child sneezing, she feels distressed and unconsciously brings over a thick coat. You saw the kitten shivering from the cold, and you unconsciously picked it up to keep it warm. You see the old man staggering across the road, and you unconsciously try to help him. Love in these moments can be unconditional.

Of course, not everyone does these things unconditionally.

What is the nature of unconditional love?

The essence of unconditional love is an emanation.

It is not loving for the sake of loving, not loving as you should love. It is naturally radiated and expressed because you have love.

Unconditional love means giving love to others while you are being yourself.

The point is that you are being yourself, and loving others is just a casual consequence.

For example, the sun.

The love the sun gives to humans and plants is unconditional. But does the sun love humans? The sun is just being itself, it likes to shine and generate heat, and by the way it forms a love for humans and plants.

For example, unconditional respect.

When you have no desire to control people, when you don’t need others to serve you, you will naturally develop unconditional respect for people. At this time, you are just being yourself and developing respect for others.

With this kind of respect, you won’t feel like: I already respect you and don’t control you anymore, so why do you want to do more…

Just like you respect a flower that blooms at its own pace.

Like unconditional attention.

You just think that the other person is good, you are full of curiosity and interest in him, and you are deeply attracted by him. At this time, you will follow your feelings and focus a lot of attention on him. At this time, you are not paying attention for the sake of paying attention. You are just being yourself and naturally pay attention to others.

In this kind of attention, there will be no grievances. You won’t feel like: I value you so much, and you still…

For example, unconditional approval.

A flower surprises you, a movie shocks you, and you will express your emotions with a heartfelt “wow”. At this time, you are just being yourself, and by the way, you are recognizing others.

A person spontaneously does something he wants to do because of his own joy, surprise, liking, distress, emotion, etc., and by the way, he contributes to others. This is unconditional love.

There is no sense of giving in this kind of love, it is a natural and spontaneous state. At this time, you will naturally not ask others to do anything for you.

The starting point of conditional love is to satisfy others, and it is an act of loving for the sake of love. This is a love that focuses on the other person. At this time, when people express love, they feel a sense of giving.

And once a person has a sense of giving, he begins to accumulate grievances. At the same time, I also start to expect the other party to do something for me based on “I’m good to you.”

Giving unconditional love is essentially being yourself and serving yourself. The essence of giving conditional love is to satisfy others and serve others.

Unconditional love is limited. Limited does not mean there are conditions.

The sun also has a lifespan. One day when the sun explodes, it will no longer love humans and plants. However, this does not mean that the love given by the sun at this moment is not unconditional.

When a person is being himself, he only gets so much attention, attention, respect, and recognition from others.

Because you only have so much attraction, shock, touch, and need for him. So naturally he can only give you so much unconditional love.

If the loved one is not satisfied, he will expect more. Those who love do not accept so little from themselves, and will ask for more from themselves.

At this time, forced love is love for the sake of love, and it becomes conditional again.

Therefore, there is a transformation point between unconditional love and conditional love:

Regarding giving love: The more attractive the other person is, the more you are attracted to him, and the more love you can naturally give.

Regarding getting love: The more energy you have to attract others, the more love others will give you.

This part is given sincerely, spontaneously, admiringly, uncontrollably, and without asking for anything in return.

This part of love that is forced to be given is a kind of self-reluctance and self-aggression, and it becomes conditional. The love you want beyond this part is a kind of compulsion, accusation, complaint and dissatisfaction with others.

Therefore, the degree of unconditional love you receive depends on how attractive you are to others.

So the anger about “why doesn’t he love me” is essentially to avoid the feeling of inadequacy about “why am I so unattractive”.

So where are the limits of giving unconditional love?

It’s how vital you are.

The stronger your vitality, the greater your curiosity about everything in the world, and the more attention, recognition, attention and respect you can give. The richer and richer your emotions are, the more you can naturally express them.

And a person who is always asking himself to give love to others will suppress his own vitality. His own curiosity will not be too great, and his emotions will not flow much if they are suppressed.

The love given at this time is both reluctant and hostile.

So, how to achieve unconditional love?

Just be yourself first. Follow your feelings, pay attention to what you want to pay attention to, recognize what you want to recognize, and respect what you want to respect. Spontaneously express what you love in your heart instead of asking who you should be nice to.

So how do you increase unconditional love?

The more you can be yourself, the more love you will have for yourself. The more love you have for yourself, the more you can give spontaneously.

How to be loved unconditionally?

It’s not about forcing yourself through demands or accusations, but when you are yourself, you will be charming. If you are charming, people will spontaneously want to give you love.

The answer to loving and being loved is actually to be yourself first.