What are the characteristics of a so-called healthy emotional relationship?
I have summarized the five elements of a healthy emotional relationship: the first is that there is no grudge and you can talk about anything; the second is that you are full of goodwill and will never hurt; the third is that your souls are in sync with each other and share the same worries and joys; the fourth is that you share the same worries and joys. The first is mutual love and appreciation; the fifth is a top-level beautiful relationship, that is, passionate love.
First, both parties should completely trust each other. When two people are together, they can talk about all topics, express all opinions, and tell each other all secrets without causing the other party to make a fuss. Even if the other party cannot understand at the moment, they should speak out. In other words, there are basically no secrets in such a relationship. You don’t need to wear a mask in front of the other person. You can pour out all your shortcomings, faults, worries, and frustrations to the other person, just like the tree hole metaphor. Both of you can be each other’s tree hole. The so-called tree hole has two meanings. One is that you can talk about everything and vent it completely; the second meaning is that you can rest assured that your talk will not be known to others and the other party will keep your confidentiality. This is the first element of a great relationship.
The second element of a good relationship: Be kind to the other person. Even if you are sometimes envious and jealous, you will never hate them. People often say “envy, jealousy and hate”, but if you hate, you won’t have a good relationship. Sometimes you will feel that your lover is particularly good, and you will envy him or even be jealous of him. However, since both parties are full of good intentions, they are unwilling to harm the other party in any way. Whether it is physical harm or mental harm, it is intolerable and cannot be inflicted. This is the second element of a great relationship.
The third element is a high degree of compatibility in the soul relationship. Both parties have the same three views and aesthetics, and they are also close friends. Their views on literature, art, and philosophy are very consistent. Although there are aesthetic differences in some details, it does not matter. Both parties can seek common ground while reserving differences. This is the third element of a good relationship.
A reader confided to me that she had been in a relationship with her boyfriend for three years, but his appearance was not good enough and his financial level was average. He took the initiative to pursue her, but in the end she couldn’t resist and had to agree. The reason this girl fell in love with her boyfriend was because he was very attentive to her and took good care of her. The first two years were always sweet, but starting from the third year, the girl obviously felt that her boyfriend didn’t care about her that much. Birthdays are forgotten. The two of them play on their mobile phones when they are alone, and there is no interaction between lovers. She asked her boyfriend to go shopping with her, but he complained that he was tired for various reasons, and all the tenderness and considerateness he showed when he first fell in love and pursued her disappeared. This makes the girl very insecure and she hates her boyfriend’s attitude.
After reading her description, I clearly felt two problems: One is that the soul compatibility of the two people is not high enough, and all the tenderness and consideration he made when he first pursued her were quite deliberate. After two people get to know each other, to put it harshly, when he has obtained the woman, he no longer has to pretend or make any deliberate efforts, and his true nature is exposed. The second problem is that the relationship between them has not been kept fresh. When they first fell in love, there may be a sense of freshness and a burning feeling. Without the mutual management of the two people, it will be difficult to keep the relationship fresh, and it is easy for the “seven-year itch” problem to occur. The usual seven-year itch has been shortened to three years in their relationship, and it feels dull and boring after only three years. If you want to keep your relationship fresh, both parties should work harder and make more efforts.
The fourth element of a good relationship is that both parties love and appreciate each other. Whether mentally or physically, you have a sincere love and appreciation for the other person, and can often express true appreciation from the bottom of your heart to the other person, instead of saying insincere compliments and false sweet words in order to maintain the relationship.
Of course, the most special and top quality of a beautiful relationship is passionate love, which is also the fifth element. Once romantic and passionate love occurs among mortals, the two people will seem to have divinity, or at least be inspired by the gods. Their souls will soar, their bodies will be happy, and they will experience the sublimation of body, mind and soul, as if they have emerged from the mediocre and trivial daily life. In life, rising from the ground and soaring into the sky, this feeling is a unique beauty in the world. In fact, this beautiful emotional relationship should be the close friend relationship in Dunbar’s number principle. According to Dunbar’s statistical research, a person has only about five close friends. However, these five people can bring more happiness to people than everyone else combined.