“Why did he cheat? Is it because I’m not good enough?”

No!

He cheated, and you’re still rationalizing his behavior?

Let me ask you, why did he cheat even though you worked hard for this family?

It’s because he isn’t good enough!

Understand?

Sister, his cheating is his problem, not yours. Stop blaming yourself, okay?

After many sisters are heartbroken, they don’t think about how to live their own lives better. Instead, they start rationalizing their man’s infidelity, thinking his cheating is not his fault. It’s because they’re not gentle, not pretty, not virtuous enough, so he will cheat.

So, they plant the belief in their mind that if they change themselves, he won’t cheat. Is that really the case?

If you change, will he come back?

Don’t be foolish. He might disappoint you. Your compromises and obedience may make him think his cheating is justified. He cheated because you’re not good enough.

At this point, he won’t change for the better. Instead, he might become even more arrogant, and might even move in with his mistress, not even sparing a glance at you.

This is the result of your compromises and obedience.

Understand?

We can’t blame ourselves for the cheater’s actions, we can’t tolerate them.

Still don’t believe me?

Let me tell you about a case I once handled.

Lily met her husband through a blind date. He’s four years older than her. Lily, who has a reserved personality, fell in love at first sight with this mature and stable man.

The feeling was mutual, and they got married after seven months of dating.

Before marriage, Lily had high hopes for her marriage. After all, her husband was really good, both family-oriented and a good earner.

She willingly became his little woman, cooking for him and creating a warm home for him.

But to Lily’s disbelief, less than a year into their marriage, she discovered her husband was involved with another woman.

Here’s what happened:

When her husband was in the shower, Lily, as women’s intuition is strong, surreptitiously looked at his phone and saw his WeChat messages with another woman. Then, she checked the woman’s social media and found they had met several times in a week.

Lily recalled how her husband always told her he was working late or socializing, but he was actually meeting that woman.

After this incident, Lily had trouble sleeping for several days. Whenever she thought about it at night, she felt sad and cried alone.

Lily didn’t tell her husband about his infidelity because she felt it would be awkward for both of them, not knowing how to face it. So, she silently endured the pain by herself.

Later, she began rationalizing her husband’s infidelity, thinking it would make her feel better.

She started reflecting, thinking her husband cheated because she wasn’t optimistic and always complained. There were also things she didn’t want to talk to him about. When her husband asked her, she always said nothing was wrong, wanting to be alone.

Her husband also said she didn’t care about her appearance as much after marriage, and had gained weight.

Lily thought that if she improved herself, her husband wouldn’t cheat. So she began to dress up, take emotional intelligence courses, and became more tolerant and submissive to her husband.

After about two months, her husband did change, seeming to care more about Lily. However, this didn’t last long. Her husband began coming home late for various reasons, and sometimes didn’t come home at all.

Lily couldn’t take it anymore, and finally confronted her husband.

Her husband seemed to think Lily wouldn’t divorce him, so he wasn’t afraid of her finding out about his affair. Instead, he met his lover even more frequently.

Why?

In her husband’s mind, he assumed that since Lily had tolerated it once, she would tolerate it again. He thought she couldn’t live without him.

Understand?

So, are you still blaming yourself? Do you think that if you change, you can find happiness?

Wake up, sister.

These are illusions you’ve created for yourself. Let’s return to reality and see if your man will really behave as you wish after you’ve changed.

He won’t, will he?

So, how should we correctly view infidelity?

1. You’re not to blame for the infidelity itself

What is infidelity?

It’s when someone in a marriage violates the contract to satisfy their own desires.

A marriage is exclusive, and nobody likes it when their partner gets too close to someone of the opposite sex. These cheaters violate the contract and ignore the wife who has shared weal and woe with them, turning to embrace another woman.

He’s the one who committed the wrong, and he should be held responsible. You don’t need to blame yourself.

When their wrongdoing is exposed, he might apologize insincerely, angrily accuse you of being at fault, or coldly walk away.

Don’t be soft, don’t panic, don’t despair.

Let him go first. Don’t do anything impulsive. Just watch him coldly.

Your pain is something only you understand, so give yourself a good hug.

Let him know that you’re not the woman you used to be. You won’t be hysterical anymore because you know it’s useless. Instead, you’ll make him feel how important he is in your heart.

We just need to be calm, calmly observing him, and seeing if he is the person you want.

2. Marriage issues are the fault of both partners, and we can take responsibility for our part

His cheating is his fault.

But the affair also reveals issues in your marriage.

Marriage issues are the fault of both partners. You won’t shirk responsibility because you are a responsible woman. You know what responsibility you should take and what you shouldn’t.

So, you can take responsibility for your part in the marriage. For example, if your partner thinks you like to complain and have a bad temper, fine, you know now. You have to change. In the days to come, whether you’re together or not, you need to control your emotions, communicate well, not accuse, not complain, and be a reasonable woman.

But his faults, such as never doing household chores or spending time with the children, are not yours to bear. If you both want to continue, he must change. If he doesn’t, there’s no way the marriage can continue.

Remember! Your compromises and obedience won’t bring happiness. Be an independent and thoughtful woman to find happiness.

3. Every choice is a different path. It’s not the choice that matters, but how you change for your choice

Many sisters feel deeply hurt by their man’s infidelity, like a thorn piercing their heart, and don’t know how to choose because of various reasons.

What should you do?
I don’t know either, because every choice is a different path. What’s important is not the choice, but how you change for your choice.

Why do I say that?

Infidelity is unforgivable. If your current situation doesn’t allow you to divorce, why do it?

First, recharge and take care of yourself. When everything is ready, then make a decision. Your life may become more wonderful.

I’m not telling everyone not to get divorced. I just want to say that you need to make the best choice based on your actual situation.

And every major choice has many minor choices behind it. In simpler terms, we make choices every day, and each choice can change our destiny.

The key is to see if you are willing to take responsibility for your choice and make a change for it.

Believe that if you continue to improve yourself, you’ll always have resources, be prepared, and not panic.

You’ll survive without anyone, it’s just up to you to decide what kind of life you want to live.

Cheating is the cheater’s fault, and he should be held responsible.

You don’t need to blame yourself. You only need to take responsibility for a part of the marriage.

Strive to be a strong woman and live your life without a man. This way, you’ll have more power to choose.

Never give up on yourself because you never know how strong you are.

Once you speak up, you’ll be amazing!

You’re no longer that weak girl.