“How long have you been with that woman?”
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been doing. I’ll make sure everyone knows the truth!”
“You ungrateful person! I spent so many years with you, and I’m still less than a stranger to you?”
For the one who has been cheated on, the whole world collapses. All that’s left is grief, confusion, and helplessness. What to do?
All they can think of is confronting their man, making them account for their actions. Why did this happen? Was all the love before a lie?
Indeed! The person who promised to be with them for a lifetime barely made it half a lifetime before turning to someone else’s embrace.
Sisters, I know you’re hurting, but after discovering your partner’s infidelity, don’t startle the snake. Your questioning, your insults, your revenge won’t bring back the person he used to be.
Do you think he’ll wipe your tears when he sees you cry?
No! It will only make him see you as a weak woman.
So, we don’t cause a scene, we don’t cry, at least not in front of him.
Sister, when infidelity is discovered, emotions are fleeting and interests become the priority. If he transfers assets and things are sorted out, we might find that we don’t even have the capital to negotiate once we come to our senses.
Dry your tears, quietly gather evidence, prevent asset transfers, take care of yourself. That’s what we need to do.
He’s not the same person anymore, it’s your choice whether you want to stay with him. If you don’t, get a divorce. If you do, make him come back on his own, don’t ask him to. Use the right approach to prevent him from cheating again.
Understood? Sisters.
How to do it?
Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine, maybe it can offer some insight:
After 7 years of marriage, Elaine’s husband cheated.
Elaine and her husband met at a bubble tea shop. It was pouring rain that day, and Elaine walked into a crowded shop. There was only one seat left, so she took it.
The man opposite her took a look at her and greeted her like a gentleman, and Elaine politely responded.
Later, Elaine took out a book from her bag and started reading, intending to wait until the rain stopped to go back.
The man across from her made a comment about her book. Elaine was surprised, thinking he wasn’t talking to her. He repeated the question, and Elaine smiled and nodded.
That was their first meeting.
They met again at a company event. The man took the initiative to greet Elaine, saying, “What a coincidence!” Elaine recognized him and smiled awkwardly.
This time, they exchanged contact information. The man began to contact Elaine from time to time.
Elaine is a slow-warming person who doesn’t believe in love. Even though she was 27, she had only been in two relationships, and each one didn’t last long.
So, Elaine was a bit cold to him, just responding to him.
After 3 months of chatting, the man started asking Elaine out. At first, she refused, but later, she went along with the invitation.
As they spent time together, Elaine noticed he was different from other men, giving her a special feeling, a familiar feeling, like the love from a father.
Elaine lacked a father figure, and this man seemed to bring her that kind of feeling.
The man later confessed his feelings to Elaine. At first, Elaine was flustered, then she was moved to tears, feeling like she had found true love.
After about a year of dating, they got married.
Five months later, Elaine got pregnant. The man was overjoyed and took great care of her every day. The doctor said the first 3 months of pregnancy were prone to miscarriage, so he didn’t dare to touch her for those 3 months.
Sometimes, he told Elaine he would sleep on the couch at night, afraid of losing control by her side.
After the child was born, Elaine took care of the child, and the man decided to start a company, using all the money from their home to start a small business.
After the child was weaned, Elaine sent the child to her mother-in-law’s and started working with her husband. That was the happiest time for Elaine.
A few years later, as the company grew, he rented an office floor and hired many employees. However, his temper grew worse, and he became less considerate of Elaine.
Elaine secretly cried several times for this and wanted to scold her husband, telling him about her grievances.
But seeing how hard he worked for their home, she let it go.
Later, the company hired a young and attractive female secretary. Elaine was worried, but the man reassured her, asking if she still doubted his character. He said, “Don’t overthink it.”
After so many years, the man really hadn’t done anything to hurt her, so she let him go.
But it was precisely because Elaine didn’t take it to heart that gave her husband the opportunity to cheat.
Yes, he cheated.
One day, Elaine found a condom in the car, hidden in an inconspicuous little metal box. This might have been a woman’s intuition. She didn’t trust her intuition, but then she checked the car’s recording and heard the voices of the female secretary and her husband being intimate.
At that moment, her mind went blank, her heart raced, her breathing quickened, and she had a severe headache. She thought she was going to die. She considered the man her safe harbor, but he had betrayed her.
When Elaine found me, she said she had lost a lot of weight. Her husband asked her what was wrong, and she didn’t say anything. Later, we discussed together and gathered the evidence we needed. She finally confronted her husband.
The result was that her husband didn’t want a divorce, and neither did Elaine. So, she made her husband write a guarantee. If he cheated again, he would leave with nothing, and for this time, he handed over his wages and fired the female secretary, with a year of reporting his whereabouts.
One commendable thing about Elaine is that she didn’t directly confront her husband because it wouldn’t have worked. So sisters, don’t do anything stupid.
Your crying, your evidence, can’t do anything to him and might even backfire: you’re not virtuous enough; you’re not understanding enough; he’s too tired and was pressured; he doesn’t have feelings for you, the other woman is his true love; he was momentarily confused…
What will you do when he rebuts you?
So, don’t confront them without solid evidence.
The court has strict requirements for evidence of infidelity. First, you need to know which evidence is useful in court.
- Emails, chat records
Correspondence, emails, or chat records between the individual and the third party. This type of evidence of infidelity is generally hard for the court to accept because it’s difficult to guarantee that the provided evidence hasn’t been tampered with.
To get this type of evidence accepted by the court, there needs to be a complete chain of evidence to corroborate them.
For example, whose email is it, who sent the email, and what the person’s real identity is, etc.
Also, in the process of extracting emails or chat records, it needs to be notarized by a notary public. Evidence of infidelity such as these, extracted individually during a divorce lawsuit, is very hard for the court to accept.
- Guarantee or repentance letter
When infidelity is discovered, some people write a guarantee or repentance letter to show that they will “never do it again” in the future. The court will accept this type of guarantee or repentance letter.
- Photos
Because obtaining evidence of infidelity has to be lawful, if you hire a detective agency to take photos, you need to carefully consider the agency’s understanding of evidence of infidelity, to ensure the evidence meets the legal requirements for use in court.
- Video
Videos shot by the involved party in a public place can be used as evidence. If the video is shot without the other party’s knowledge, it can only be used if taken at home, and videos taken in hotels through surveillance or by forcibly entering someone else’s home cannot be used as evidence.
This kind of evidence is hard to collect, can easily lead to conflict, and may infringe on the privacy of the other party, possibly leading to a lawsuit for invading privacy. Therefore, it’s generally not recommended for use.
- Audio recording
Audio recordings of negotiations between the couple about one party’s infidelity, collected by the individual without notifying the other party, can be used as evidence if the other party admits to their infidelity in the recording. However, because some digital audio recordings can be edited, when providing the court with audio recordings, they should be unmodified and unedited.
What does this mean?
It means you need the original, not a copy.
There was a sister last time who thought it wasn’t safe to keep it on her phone, so she copied it to a USB drive and deleted it from her phone. When she got to court, she found out that the evidence was useless.
Besides the above evidence, what other evidence is useful in court?
Be aware that the car’s recording could also be useful.
So, collect all the evidence you can find, such as their travel and spending records, and don’t tamper with them.
For repentance letters and recordings, we can confront them after collecting other evidence, record the confrontation, and make them write a guarantee or repentance letter.
Sisters, I know you’re hurting. It’s okay to allow yourself to be sad for a while, but we still need to know what we should do. Emotions are fleeting, and interests are the main thing.
Don’t rush to confront them, find the evidence first, then confront them after stabilizing, and fight for your interests.
Whether you get a divorce or not, you need to do this. Not getting a divorce now doesn’t mean you won’t later. Don’t take it lightly.