Embracing Vulnerability: Overcoming the Fear of Losing What We Love

The more you like someone, the less you dare to get close. Essentially, it’s the fear of losing, the fear that even if you try your best, the other person won’t like you, the fear of rejection, and the fear that in the end, you won’t even qualify to like the other person.

For example, why do many students not study seriously even though they know exams are coming, and especially go to bed early the day before the exam, and as a result, they indeed don’t do well in the exam? This can be explained by saying that they just couldn’t resist the temptation of sleep, and it’s because they didn’t work hard enough that they didn’t do well. If they hadn’t slept so early, they should have done better in the exam.

By attributing the reasons to other factors, they can squarely face their poor performance.

This is human nature. We don’t allow ourselves to fail after studying hard. We just want to keep the possibility that we can achieve it as long as we work hard.

From childhood to adulthood, we like to deceive ourselves. When we were young, some people always felt unwell before exams, and when we grow up, some people say they can’t fast because of low blood sugar when losing weight. People rationalize their behaviors to avoid facing problems, so they deceive themselves.

Think about how many times in our daily lives we encounter coveted opportunities but dare not strive for them because we are afraid of facing the self who, after careful preparation, still fails.

Think about how many times in our daily lives, facing where to stay after graduation, many people choose to leave Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou because they are afraid of facing the self who, even after striving and struggling, ultimately gains nothing.

Some things are best kept hidden in our hearts. Perhaps many years later, you will feel ashamed for the cowardly self, but in your memories, you always hold onto the words “I could have.”

Subconsciously, there’s a feeling of inferiority, feeling unworthy of good things. Because you feel unworthy of having the things and people you like, you think even if you get them, you will lose them quickly, so you choose to stay away, sparing yourself the pain of losing.

But once you are convinced of a certain feeling, things will develop in the direction you anticipate, and it eventually becomes, “See, I knew it would be like this.” But in reality, this result is attracted by you, so every time you negatively believe that a certain situation will occur, you will indeed encounter it.

Therefore, bravely believe that you can have all the good things, and things will develop in the direction you want.